tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-69708368520783848332024-03-12T18:34:36.977-07:00Maria on a MissionMariahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14285090805313382135noreply@blogger.comBlogger104125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6970836852078384833.post-16488285490971927362014-11-19T10:59:00.000-08:002014-11-19T11:00:36.902-08:00A Boy's HeartIt's hard for me to figure out where to begin. Quite honestly, I've mostly struggled since coming home from Haiti. I have a lot of questions and a lot of unexplainable emotion but in all that I question, I feel an undoubtable conviction that I do not want to exploit the children I met for the sake of a compelling "sad story" of an orphan, so I've resorted to "safe mode" while I process. I apologize and I thank you in advance for the room to breathe. I went to Haiti with great expectation of glorious stories of a miraculous God too numerous to count! I never imagined coming home questioning the deepest convictions of what I have believed for so long to make room for truths that are sprouting in my heart that are not easy truths to face, digest or communicate. So until I discern with wisdom the very "story" the Lord wants me to tell about MY OWN adventure in Haiti, I'd prefer to just privately seek God's face with my laundry list of questions and my heaping pile of raw emotion in this desert season of my faith journey. If/When the time comes I'll let you know how I prevailed in my personal wrestling match with God's heart, my belief's and the truth. You probably already know who wins, but shhhh...don't ruin the suspense for me.<br />
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None-the-less, that uninviting intro was to preface that I do WANT to share one story with you! There's one that I can't wait to share about Zach, it's the only "for sure" God moment I know I own from this trip, well I own it from the back seat anyway! I haven't had a spare minute to steal a moment to myself, let alone sit down long enough to write since I've returned home to house-full of sickly kids. I wanted to tell our story in chronological order to appease my OCD organizational mind and of course for the sake of a good novel read to build up to the exciting last chapter, but it's not working out that way, so out the window goes my desire to be neat & tidy and in control and you'll just have to hang on for the ride and I'll share as it comes, all messy and unkept, much like my appearance these days! This story is the exciting last chapter about Zach that happened on the last day(s) of our trip.<br />
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But first, a quick rewind to the first day to give some backstory for good measure: The first orphanage we went to Foyer De Sion, was filled with 130+ kids. It was "loud & busy" to say THE LEAST and Zach easily found his niche playing sports with the older kids. He didn't even really peek his head inside longer than a few moments the first day we were there, he much preferred the soccer & basketball challenge outside. After the first visit we had some down time, so after he had time to process, I asked Zach what it was like to encounter an orphanage for the first time. I wanted to hear if God had broken this boy's heart for the orphans of the world like God had broken mine so long ago, I was fishing for a big "aha" moment of transformation. His answer was a typical 12yr old kid's response <i>"seems fine, I don't think it would be a big deal to live there, it's not at bad as I thought it would be. I even seen one kid with brand new shoes!" </i>I laughed & I sighed, thinking he doesn't "get it".....yet....but he will, I hope. Then in the following days I began to really ponder what "it" was that I desired "he get" anyway...this sadness that always looms in my heart like a grey cloudy day that never parts? Hmmm, I began to question what "it" really was that I wanted for Zach now that we were here living the reality.<br />
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The last days of our trip we spent at Gertrude's Orphanage for disabled children. It was a starkly different scene than the first couple days playing sports in the yard and just having fun with some new kids you met. From the moment we walked into the "therapy room", I could feel the discomfort level tangibly rising like a wave about to overtake you. Quite honestly it can easily become overwhelming when faced with the harsh reality of some of these extremely disabled children's every day reality, and then to embrace multiple severity's at once is a hard sight to see. I instinctively shifted into my motherly mode of dual operation with conflicting concerns to be addressed; I wanted to be a servant to these children, love them unconditionally ~ it's the reason I CAME HERE, so I wanted to be fully present in this moment, model for Zach what it looks like to dive in heart first and simultaneously I wanted to parent my son through this experience, be fully present FOR HIM to help him digest, understand and embrace the moment we were in and the reality that his eyes were being thrust open to see. I wanted to hide away with him in a corner so I could help hold his little heart as he suddenly looked like a lil babe to me too young to be here. There I sat, frozen in time watching Zach intently as he distanced himself, unsure what to do, how to do it, where to begin..sitting solemnly on the corner table just staring, so uncomfortable I thought his skin might crawl right off his bones. I knew he was wrestling, because his expressions told the story like an episode of Days of Our Lives. His face would scowl as though he was angry, then moments later it looked as though he'd burst to tears and have a breakdown and just as I'd nearly get up to go to him, his face would change into this emotionless expression as if he had disappeared all together and there sat an"empty" shell of my son. I watched this revolving soap opera play out through his expressions for a very long time, my heart leaping into my throat at every quiver of his lip, tear welled in his eye, grimace of his brow....what do I do?? I pondered to myself; is this what "it" looks like to have God break my son's heart? Is this simply too overwhelming for my young child?! What have I done, was he really ready to face an experience like this, why would I ever want him to be this kind of broken? He's simply too fragile to embrace this, this will do more harm to his heart than good! Oh Lord, what is happening inside my son's heart, soul & mind right now ~ what is happening inside MINE?! Then of all things; a young lil girl with down syndrome comes over to
Zach, helps herself to his lap and pee's her pants...on his leg.This was the tipping point of penetrating Zach's defenses and I could see in his eyes the desperation of anger & loss of control and overwhelming cry for "help" as he had been pushed beyond all he could handle as he thrust her from his lap and he shut down from that moment on through the rest of the day, he distanced himself more & more, desiring to be anywhere but present in this moment.<br />
<br />I can't say for sure what was happening INSIDE Zach, but if that's what it looks like to be "broken" with the burden of God's heart, I'd say it's one of the hardest things to watch your child go through at an age too young to fully process what's happening.<br />
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The next morning was Zach's birthday! 13 years old. A teenager. Half man, half boy and quite the adventure as we navigate through both worlds together! I pulled him aside first thing in the morning to attempt to skype home so Donny & the kiddos could wish him a happy birthday and see his face! After our horribly failed skype call, I began to talk to Zach about his experience the day before at Gertrude's. I thought for a moment, it would be all so overwhelming that he'd "need me" to help him digest, understand and it would coming pouring out of his heart, unfiltered and I could love him through the discernment process, but he was guarded, or it may have been to early in the morning for such deep conversation, because he reacted defensively and immediately responded that he wasn't "thinking anything" while he was there. So I just decided to blab on for a moment while I had his ear. I explained to him how it was "hard for me" yesterday and that it really pushes me to grow beyond my limitations, my comfort level to hug lil people I do not intimately know who are full of snot, urine, feces, drool and whatever else you can imagine and I shared with him a handful of colorful stories of unwanted bodily fluids that had made their unwelcomed home upon my body over the course of the week. I looked him in the eyes and said "Jesus, would NOT HESITATE to grab us up in his arms even if we were full of all of that nasty stuff, He'd scoop you right up, hug & kiss ya. Remember we came to be the love of Jesus to these kids, it has to be His love, not ours. Maybe today you could try just a bit harder, maybe you could find one child that is not hard for you to embrace and try and play with him or her on our last day"....then he was off to breakfast without a response.<br />
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The final day we arrived at Gertrude's, I seen whatever that tormenting cultivation process was that happened the day prior, supernaturally sprout into something beautiful. The Lord plowed through and in a 24hr period, fruit had already blossomed! Zach fully embraced these children, walls down, open-hearted, genuinely loving in a manner that he could have never done of his own will.<br />
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I "hoped" that I'd see him be able to "stomach" rolling a ball to a child or building legos with someone, not even dreaming he'd be willing to touch them, but I seen Jesus in Zach and he loved unconditionally with no reservations, outside of all his shortcomings and OCD tendencies of the same germophobia I know to well and he massaged & lotioned these kids, they rubbed their dirty lil booger hands all over his face and he smiled, one after another they sat their urine-soaked lil bodies on his lap and he hugged or tickled them, he fed a boy lunch who was one of the difficult kids to feed (in terms of swallowing capabilities, messiness, ect) and Zach didn't even flinch.<br />
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He really was one of the most beautiful sights I seen during all the
time I was in Haiti. I've asked him a few times to share with me, but
it's a moment so intimate, holy & emotionally raw in him as well
that he can't even process it, so I'll leave his version to be a secret
of his heart between him & God and I'll rest in the fullness of my
mama's heart just having the privilege of watching from the outside as
Zach fully embraced manhood on his 13th birthday as he loved with the
innocence of a boy's heart and I realized that whatever we came
for...my son "got it".<br />
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<br />Mariahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14285090805313382135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6970836852078384833.post-12070660814084430402014-11-04T04:20:00.001-08:002014-11-04T04:53:15.311-08:00This is FAREWELL!!TWO DAYS till we're 'airborne' my friends! 2 days! And with each moment that grows closer to Thursday I feel more peace coming upon me, like waves of it. If you know me at all, you know beyond doubt that is not my nature...I have a full on anxiety attack when just packing the kids to go to grandma's for the day so imagine how an unseasoned traveler "could" be reacting these days! Just a visit to Ogilvie brings about an artistic expression of what Hitler may look like as a mother when thinking about all that I have to get ready, what not to forget and getting out the door "on schedule", with my car full of rambunctious lil Traut's. Needless to say, a heart full of peace is a nice place to be.<br />
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So this may be my last post on this blog for the next week+. As we prepare to head off to Haiti, this is the divinely designed group God has orchestrated for the 2014 November ACT Missions team:<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #990000;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Becki & Riley</b></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #990000;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Meleah & Will</b></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #990000;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Tami & Elizabeth</b></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #990000;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Jen & Delaney</b></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #990000;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Maria & Zach</b></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #990000;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Bob</b></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #990000;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Anna</b></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #990000;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Cameron</b></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #990000;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Melissa</b></span></span></div>
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Will you consider praying for each one of us?! Our diverse team is made of not only seasoned adults but some very young leaders of faith who are stepping out to follow God's call on their life to love the orphan. In the names I've listed above I paired together the parents with their children. We are coming together from all over the US to join in one heart of love for the orphaned children in Haiti.<br />
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Thank You all for your support! We're calling out to all our beloved friends & family who have it on their hearts to pray for us, now is the time we need you most! We leave early Thursday morning, November 6th to begin our travels to Haiti. Please keep us in prayer daily November 6-13th until we all arrive safely home.<br />
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Pray especially for our amazing team leaders, Becki and co-leader Meleah who carry a great responsibility of leadership over the 14 of us upon their shoulders. Also please pray intently for our young men & women of God we are shaping to be the hands & feet of Jesus on this trip, may their hearts be forever changed by what God sews into them and releases through them in this next week. Please join our hearts in prayer that the Lord would move mightily while we walk this journey with Him. Agree with us that we are in His divine favor and that we'll see the love of God manifested in ways we could not even imagine and all would be blessed by an encounter with our loving Father!<br />
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Although we have a tentative, flexible schedule of where we'll be spending our time serving, these are a couple opportunities we may have, so please join in covering these ministries in prayer:<br />
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<a href="http://gertrudesorphanage.weebly.com/" target="_blank">Gertrude's Orphanage</a><br />
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<a href="http://www.foyerdesion.org/" target="_blank">Foyer De Sion</a><br />
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<a href="http://www.apparentproject.org/" target="_blank">Apparent Project</a><br />
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<a href="http://www.bhm.org/" target="_blank">Baptist Haiti Mission</a><br />
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AND we have created a "team blog" where our team leader wants someone from the group to blog each day about our experiences. So, you will get to go on this ride with us if you follow this blog:<br />
<h3>
<span style="color: red;"><b><a href="http://actmissionshaiti.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">actmissionshaiti.blogspot.com</a></b></span></h3>
Mariahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14285090805313382135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6970836852078384833.post-39261296170814513662014-10-28T07:46:00.000-07:002014-10-28T07:52:49.579-07:00Self-lessFor some time now I've noticed the Lord working on my heart in a particular area that is never fun to publicly "shed light on"....<b>selfishness</b>. If I passed the microphone around I'm sure there'd be a nice long line of stories we all could share about your encounters with my selfishness....my family could probably do an entire 2 hour Dateline special so lets not let them have a turn at the microphone!<br />
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But here's the thing, selfishness is not where I intend to stay! Here's the kicker for those who've only known me a short time and fallen prey to my selfish motives... I've already come a LONG WAY on this journey since I met that amazing man named Jesus!! It's a beautiful encounter, the conviction of the Lord, He teaches, corrects, brings freedom and changes your heart in such an intimate way that it feels like I'm simply stepping out to dance to a song I've never heard before, the rhythm is new and the music is magnetic and I desire it, I deeply desire to learn this dance, this conviction creates a hunger in me for more of whatever that "newness" is! He draws me closer and I learn to lean on His lead and as we dance, I'm transformed. This is how I experience "conviction", no punishment, no shame, no condemnation, simply illumination that brings a desire to be empowered to grow beyond my own limitations and I hold His hand as He walks with me every.single.step of the way. And thus is the journey to greater self-less-ness.<br />
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A week ago we had a devotional about "a servants heart" as part of our preparation for one of our team conference calls and since that day, everywhere I look, I keep seeing the picture painted by John 13 in this devotion:<br />
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<![endif]--><i>“After that, He poured water into a basin and began to wash
the disciples’ feet and to wipe them with the towel with which He was girded. .
. . So when He had washed their feet, taken His garments, and sat down again,
He said to them, ‘Do you know what I have done to you? You call Me Teacher and
Lord, and you say well, for so I am. If then, your Lord and teacher, have
washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given
you an example that you should do as I have done to you.’”</i><i> </i>
<i> </i><br />
<i>Foot washing was the business of servants. It was the dirty
work of the lowly as they cleaned the dusty, and no doubt gnarly, feet of
others who had trekked miles in shoes that weren’t quite as well-made or
protective as shoes are today. Think of a fairly nasty job you wouldn't stoop down to
do. That is essentially what Jesus was doing. But it wasn’t just about foot
washing, it was about humbling Himself before others, about denying Himself and
disregarding the majesty and glory due to Him and putting others first. <b>Jesus
adopted a lowly posture before others to demonstrate His love for them</b>, and to
give us an example of how we are to treat other people.</i><br />
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God had already been speaking to me for sometime (years even), highlighting areas in my life where I had selfishly "esteemed" myself higher than I ought to. So this devotional was good medicine for the soul that came in perfect timing. I keep thinking of this passage and envisioning this picture like it's the first time I've ever heard it ~ day in and day out, multiple times a day...I think of a situation that I can barely stomach and see this picture of Jesus. I immediately began to ponder exactly what the devotional asks "think of a nasty job you wouldn't stoop down to do"...and I began to wonder, what would Jesus' radical actions look like if this story played out here & now, in my life in 2014 in big, bad, Buckman, Minnesota. And to top that, now what would the lowliest of disgusting jobs look like <b>in Haiti</b>! Bet it's worse than I could even imagine in my pampered lil American life. And my heart began to <u>swell with desire</u>, desire that I'd have a longing in my heart to do these jobs selflessly, to become that kind of expression of love, that I'd not overlook any single job that is so lowly that I'd take it for granted by not even acknowledging it happens, that my heart would be filled with gratitude to the point of action to honor every single person who serves and fills these jobs that MUST be done...<u>and that I'd become one who does these jobs.</u> That is not a natural desire of the heart, and I'd dare to say it's probably even a more dangerous prayer...to want to be put in the lowliest of jobs! Rationally speaking for a moment, are you sure about this Maria???? Yep, my heart is actually growing with a fire-filled desire to be a servant in the most lowly of places, to really learn love to this degree. Even more that I wouldn't even have a paradigm to measure what is considered "too lowly" and what is considered "acceptable". Am I anywhere near ready to walk this out without faltering, probably not as I am a poster-child germophobe who nearly vomits when I have to uncrinkle dirty, crusty, socks that sat for weeks at the bottom of the hamper from my very own family whom I love the snot-out-of...literally. To put them in the wash as I peel each one of those stinky, hardened, dirt-balls called socks apart my gag-reflex is induced uncontrollably....so yeah, you can find me in the laundry room sounding like a college kid with a hang-over every Monday & Tuesday on "laundry day"...so I may have a long way to go....but there's a fire in my heart to be transformed and I can't contain it! </div>
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For months this has been growing with intensity, ever-increasing in the recent weeks...all day long I see these things in a whole new light. I get flashbacks of memories from Africa, too many moments to share, like when our humble bus driver's took our left-over food to eat as their meal because they couldn't afford their own and so they ravenously eat the scraps of a stranger and I feel conviction for how I took them for granted, not honoring them with a real meal and did not serve them the way Jesus would have and I wonder if I were in their shoes would eating a stranger's thrown-away food be too lowly for me? </div>
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I'm overwhelmed with conviction to the point of tears of gratitude silently running down my cheeks, when I see the garbage man pull up and jump out without a moment of hesitation and grab our filthy, disgusting, garbage can overflowing with used cat litter, babies used diapers and all the other unmentionable rotten things we've tossed in there to the point of my disgust beyond the ability to even drag <i>my own</i> garbage can to the end of our driveway without wearing gloves...and as he lifts the can, garbage falls to the ground all around him and he picks it right up, cleans up the mess our cat made by ripping the garbage bag open for all the contents to fall out...and suddenly my heart swells and I break down in tears as I watch this scene and I can't even believe how long I've taken these men for granted in my own life, watching them week after week from my kitchen window early in the morning sunrise, no matter what the temperature, they're faithfully here every Thursday to haul my garbage away so that I don't have to smell or look at it and I'm humbled at their hearts of true service. I wonder if I could do their job with the same commitment to such quality service. I literally ponder what my heart's attitude would be if I had to jump out, pick up some stranger's garbage with my two hands and serve them in this manner, every day, all day ~ even when it's -30 degrees. </div>
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I feel conviction as I sit in a McDonald's booth (cringing from head to toe in my germophobe nature) watching an employee clean up the filth of half-eaten food scraps from the floor and empty the overflowing garbage that I can't even stand to acknowlege is within a few feet of me as I attempt to eat my meal. And I think to myself, time and again, in these types of situations that are being supernaturally highlighted to me "how incredibly thankful I am for that person's service", I'm overcome in those moments watching these people serve to the fullest degree in jobs that I don't know if I could handle and the Lord humbles my heart to see examples of true servants in the faces of these people who are working to <u>serve me</u> and suddenly my heart swells (to my surprise) at the thought of a chance to <i>be the one</i> that serves in these kinds of ways with a cheerful heart, to be humbled and selfless and to be so filled with the love of God that nothing, literally nothing would be too lowly for "me" and that I would no longer think higher of myself than I ought to. </div>
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And I feel conviction when I've been home all week alone holding down the
fort with the kiddos, a sickly baby hanging on my legs, with unrelenting
whining ringing in my ears, and the MOMENT my husband comes in the front door all I
want to do is escape so I can feel the bliss of silence for even just a
MOMENT and be freed from this baby that has grown to be my third leg! So
I don't even enterain the idea of how my husband may need to be served
after a long week away from home. I can't dare to imagine that when we
all can't attend a family birthday party we've been looking forward to
due to the baby's flu, that I'd be the one to offer to stay home to
care for her!! <i>I selfishly want</i> to be the parent that goes to the party because<i> I want</i> to be freed from puking baby duty. <i>I want</i> to have adult conversation. <i>I want</i> to enjoy my sons without the distraction of a sick, crying baby. <i>I want</i>
to get out of the house! Then a whisper comes and says "It would be
much more self-less to stay home, serve your sick daughter as only you
can, she desires you, allow your sons some bonding time with their dad they missed all week, while he enjoys his side of the family"....and my HEART SWELLS
at the thought of serving my family in this manner, so I swallow my pride, confess my selfishness to my family and I do it. I stay
home and I throw a big-girl sized baby tantrum, right next to my puking
daughter as we both sit crying on the floor because I'm still exhausted,
I'm still selfish, I still don't fully want to be here and I'd still
much prefer to be having fun at the birthday party....<u>but my heart did
swell</u> when the Lord spoke and so I know that I know, there is a work of
transformation being done here. </div>
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Mariahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14285090805313382135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6970836852078384833.post-43422679774382329892014-10-21T10:37:00.001-07:002014-10-21T10:39:11.377-07:00ThankfulA couple quick testimonies!<br />
<br />
Sunday night as I lay in bed, tired, but unable to drift off to sleep; I thought to myself about our mission team's prayer calendar that had Zach scheduled on Monday to be one of our team members to keep in special prayer for the day. So I asked the Lord "what should I pray over Zach tomorrow in preparation for Haiti?" and suddenly I had this overwhelming surge of anticipation rush through my veins like unbridled horsepower and my blood began to pump like crazy, shortly after the Lord spoke to me and said two incredibly powerful words... "he's ready"....and I lay there quietly in the dark, experiencing this supernatural adrenaline rush, thinking in my natural mind, I'll surely NEVER fall asleep now and I just enjoyed this moment <i>full of anticipation</i> that the Lord has spoken to my heart and told me my son is absolutely READY for this! The Lord has prepared him, my boy, His boy, our boy..... HE.IS.READY. That is such an incredibly peaceful place to be!<br />
<br />
Second testimony: <br />
Because I've been less than shy about our financial adventures and all the fundraising chaos we threw together, I have to share this story too. Just the other day, I realized we're completely at the "end" of the fundraising 'fun' as I was gathering the last of the money to deposit, sending out the last of the bracelets, tshirts, no more bake sales, garage is long emptied from the maddness of yard sales yet two bracelets remained unspoken for. They both say "thankful" and I knew that was by no mistake. You see, I had chosen one that said "hope" to carry me through this faith journey as a daily reminder and Zach had chosen one that said "loved" which I shared about in an earlier post how I felt was significant for him, but I secretly wanted us to each have another one to give away to someone special we might meet in Haiti. I decided if there were any bracelets left, that's what we'd do with them. So as I looked at the two remaining bracelets that say "thankful" I thought these are not my first choice of words to give away as an expression of our love to whomever we meet in Haiti. I seen a picture in my mind of us giving the bracelets away to that special someone and that it would be a proclamation over their destiny, the word they wore around on their little arm, that they most likely would never be able to read in English and I envisioned having it say "hope, blessed, believe, loved"...something that would remind them of Jesus' great love and would inspire them to dream bigger than their circumstances. That's when I looked at these two "thankful" bracelets for a second time and suddenly the Lord spoke to me and said "one is for you and one is for Zach to be reminded daily of this journey and to know the depths of unspeakable gratitude. Thankful for Jesus; Thankful for those who supported you; Thankful, as a proclamation over your own life; this was our tangible, daily, visible expression to wear our humbled hearts "on our sleeve"...a declaration that would inspire us to always dream beyond our circumstances! THANKFUL! Then I realized, right from the start, God had saved "hope" & "love" to be the bracelets we give away as something "special from our heart" as these words we clung to as promises all the months leading us to this place but all along we didn't realize "thankful" would be the one that would best describe our true heart!<br />
<br />
That leads me to this final testimony: When we signed up for the trip I knew the cost was an estimate, but I never really even entertained the idea of it exceeding the initial number of $4600 for both of us because that was enough "sticker shock" for me. As we were nearing the end of our fundraising, the actual costs did exceed what we had anticipated and that put a rather large lump in my throat for days. So when our fundraising goal suddenly jumped to $5352 and we had no more "tricks up our sleeve" I felt like I had two choices; mental breakdown from this pressure or that I just really couldn't carry this around for one more minute so the Lord would just HAVE TO SHOW UP because there is no other plan. So with every donation amount that came through me to send in, I'd pray for who's "account" it should go toward, mine or Zach's. Today, when I signed onto our fundraising site and surprisingly seen the most beautiful number <u><span style="color: red;">$0</span></u> under the fundraising goal for Zach's account I just couldn't believe my eyes, I wondered if there was a mistake so I looked under his contributions page where it shows the donation amounts that came in and to my lovely surprise each donation that came in...<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">$150.00 </span></div>
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<td>tallied to the EXACT number he needed: $2676...to the penny! Zach is fully financially supported for this trip!! Without doubt, we are indeed...THANKFUL! </td><td><br /></td><td><br /></td><td><br /></td>
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<td>ps. I'm almost there too! Just over $400 left for me and I'll see that same beautiful number soon!</td>
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Mariahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14285090805313382135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6970836852078384833.post-35992420083902178072014-10-16T07:12:00.001-07:002014-10-16T07:12:29.514-07:00To Belong<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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This past weekend, the Lord revealed something to me that I didn't know was
a lie that had been 'still' hiding inside me. I was sitting at the
International Healing Conference on Saturday night and a man named Ian Andrews
was praying over people. As I sat in my seat, suddenly Ian said a prayer that
pricked my heart in the most unexpected place, he said "I release over all
of you a sense of belonging" and just like that, my heart started to
hemorrhage pain while my mind suddenly raced with old film reels of my life
spinning in rewind right before my eyes. I watched the replay of my youth
revealing all the ways I strived "to belong", to every single social
circle, to every expectation of perfection, to every standard someone else set,
with an incredible desire to please so that I could earn acceptance and never
be rejected. When you don't know you're loved unconditionally, fear of rejection is all
consuming. The irony is that I spent all those years never actually "belonging",
skimming the surface, never sticking my toe in the water for fear of
"falling in too deep", lost like an orphan roaming the streets. If I
had to be stark honest, inside my heart it was the crippling fear of rejection
that drove me to be the straight A student, the hardworking daughter, the
athlete, the best friend in every social circle imaginable, the artist, the
homecoming queen, the party girl, the funny jokester, the career driven
financially independent woman, the super mom, the Christian who can do it all "through Christ who strengthens me",
the chameleon that could blend perfectly into any situation...so that no one
could see my ugly weaknesses! I lived a good portion of my life wearing this mask,
finding my value in the accolades of others who would commend me for how
perfect my 'mask' was fitting. It would feed this insatiable beast in me;
performance = acceptance. A beast that never is satisfied. In all reality, I'm
certain the only person who didn't know it was a mask was me.<br />
<br />
Sad part is, I didn't realize this wasn't the "real me" until the day
I met the most loving person in all existence; Jesus. When He came and found me
in the sloppy midst of my screwed up, out-of-control, derailing, messy,
pain-filled life, in my most vulnerable hour and loved me unconditionally,
extravagantly, passionately, without measure at the simple response to more of
a dare than an invitation "if you're real, show me and I'll give my life
to you, otherwise it's over for me". He showed up to a supernatural
degree, speaking His life into dreams I never dared to imagine would come from
inside of me. I felt for the first time in my life something I had never known....
"HOPE". IT WAS POWERFUL, TRANSFORMATIONAL and nothing I was ever able
to manufacture all 27yrs prior to that day. Something changed after that encounter,
suddenly I belonged and I knew it, from the depths of my bones, I simply knew
without having to be graded on my performance I would always belong to Jesus
from this moment forward, nothing could change that. Felt like CPR to a flat
lining pulse. Felt like "home" for the first time. Whatever this "feeling was" I knew I never wanted to
settle for less....I belonged to Jesus and He belonged to me. I am His and He
is mine and "HOPE" was the fruit of this exchange and I DID NOTHING
TO EARN IT. Such an incredibly powerful awakening to have in your heart, in
your soul, breathing life into your dry bones when your whole life had hinged
on your ability to perform. And the Lord continued to show up in the most powerful ways, every single time I messed up, fell flat on my face, biffed it hard, that was when I'd have the most radical love encounters with God. Things changed drastically in my life after that, first; I knew I was loved and
then I began to dare to learn how to walk the path that was destined for me, even when it
was different than everything I had known. Being
"different" was one of the greatest risks for me as I lived my life trying to fit into
everyone else's story. But the Lord had put desires in my heart so profoundly
deep that it was suddenly worth the risk of "being different" to
chase this untraveled path through the wilderness to grasp ahold of these
dreams too big for me to achieve on my own; dreams of motherhood, dreams of loving orphan children in
different countries. And inevitably rejection came and it didn't destroy or
define me like I had feared all my life, because God was right there waiting for me in His infinite goodness.every.single.time. Felt good to breath oxygen for the
first time instead of living off everyone else's exhaled dreams so that I may
"fit in". <br />
<br />
Fastforward back to last Saturday night: When that man spoke the words
"belonging", God simply pulled the bandaid off my heart that I had
applied to hide the wound that was there and I began to bleed 'real pain' that
made no logical sense in my present life. (besides I believed I had handled all this long ago!) And as the Lord always does, He
addressed the wound by showing me His perspective which is always far superior
than my own. I love that He looks as us so radically different than we look at
ourselves or even one another. Instead of pointing out all my faults, He showed
me my promise: He said to me "look at those people you know down front
praying for others, <i>you belong to them</i>" (you beautiful people who
were down front working the altar at the Healing Conference, praying for
others, know who you are!), and the walls in my heart began to quake with
intense emotion. “I belong TO THEM?!” Then He whispered to me "you know
why the generosity, support & love of your church, family & friends is
a raw emotional nerve that you simply don't know how to process
cognitively...well, it's because <i>you belong to them too</i>" <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>I belong</u></b><b><u>?!</u></b> Something I’ve never “felt
in my heart” before because it was just too much of a risk and it requires going below the surface to truly "belong" to something. I belong. Some of
the most powerful words I’ve ever proclaimed over myself. I belong, because
of God's love. They weren't "stuck with me”, they didn't HAVE to let me
belong, I belonged not by anything I've done to earn acceptance, and just like
that BAM I suddenly had a revelation as to why the overwhelming generosity of
everyone who's supported us in preparation for this Haiti trip has left me an
absolute mess of "unworthiness", because it's simply that = I didn't
do anything to perform for your support, I didn't earn it, and I couldn't repay
it if I tried. That kind of love is earth-shattering and it makes me all sorts
of uncomfortable and simultaneously a glorious mess at the revelation that I
BELONG. And without the Lord even having to point a finger on the problem I
realized it: for a long time now, I had taped up all the masks I used to wear,
slapped a few new Christian stickers on the outside to cover some of the old
scratches and carried them right along with me settling back into where I felt most
comfortable. When did I get back here, to this masquerade? HOW did I get back here? Have I
always been stuck here? No wonder this has been exhausting for countless months, years. Even more important WHY was I hiding behind this
mask again? I wish I had all these answers to wrap this
up with a nice neat bow, but I don't, I just have questions and one or two
carrots to chase...this is all fresh revelation for me. I'm still running
through the maze!<br />
<br />
I do know that whatever all this is, all this identity crisis I seem to be
encountering, reliving victories that I thought I once owned to realize I was
just scratching the surface; like "trust" &
"belonging", needing to be battled once again, now on a deeper level
to continue the walk of victory...it's all for a purpose. I can already see how
the Lord had graciously let me camp out for awhile in my 'infancy' thinking
that those bandaids could stay on my heart and that I'd never had to address
whatever was hiding under there in relation to "people". Once I met
the Lord and achieved the first step of these victories through His grace &
mercy, learning how to trust God, learning how to lay down my masks in front of
God, He's now telling me, the war has not been won, just a small battle had
been the victory I lived on for years, but this is not where I set up camp. So
for this relationally-dysfunctional orphan-minded girl, the Lord is extending
His hand in an invitation to me; it's time I learn to trust PEOPLE; it's time I
learn to be vulnerable & real and stop hiding behind performance-based
masked around the PEOPLE I belong to; it's time I learn how to be in real
relationships with more than just God, I need people! So it's time I dive deep into relationship with the people He has gifted me to walk
through life with; it's time I learn how to be "Maria" transparently and allow all those people in my life to fully be
themselves, freed from my dysfunctional need of finding worth in their approval
and freed from any expectations I've put upon them to perform in return. How
freeing that will be for all of us!! To be love and be loved. To simply
"belong"...belong to Him as His sons & daughters and to belong to
one another as family. Because after all, the Lord already revealed this secret
of His heart to me on Saturday night when He whispered to me and said "YOU
BELONG" and He showed me face after face of all the beautiful people I
"belong to" and so I know this is already a finished work in the
Lord's eyes, it's time I surrender the mask, come out from behind the walls
I've built, rip off all the old bandaids and learn to walk this out.<br />
<br />
Like I've already said, I don't really know why I'm in the season I'm in,
but I'm just trying to be transparent "in the process" to encourage
others too. I’d much rather be crossing off my busy to-do list in preparation for
Haiti, feeling like “I’m ready for this” and being in control of all the
details, but instead I’m smack dab in the midst of a full on identity crisis. When
the Lord shows up & says the victories I thought I thoroughly owned were
just simply scratching the surface and that there's so much MORE, it’s time to
take that journey and lay down my own OCD plans. I have peace in knowing it's
all for a purpose and He's saying now is the time for this journey, so the packing list has to wait. I'm
thankful that He always continues to make my life more beautiful, bringing me
more freedom, allowing my heart to be transformed to be more like His, growing
my capacity to love people and see people (including myself) the way He sees
them, because that's the desire of my heart.<br />
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<![endif]-->Mariahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14285090805313382135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6970836852078384833.post-43650042677921531422014-09-29T13:56:00.001-07:002014-09-29T13:56:18.278-07:00T-Shirt Anyone?We have some awesome t-shirts to sell, if you're looking to update your wardrobe, we're looking to fill your closet! :)<br />
<br />
Check out this link, there's a blue men's tshirt and a red women's tshirt available! This booster campaign is live for the next 13 days so ACT FAST if you'd like a shirt! We'd LOVE you to have one! Our minimum print requirement is 15 shirts, so tell all your friends!<br />
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<a href="http://www.booster.com/zachtrauthaiti" target="_blank">http://www.booster.com/<wbr></wbr>zachtrauthaiti</a><br />
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Here's a sneak peek of the design:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjs6-aPmsMWgeVSSniU_cXAc20IdZvMDW7w-soPfD9OpVw-Mb3BRsjoD-bX0MfhRlY6VhxBLuD8BgVgfM8fD35NaUxVedrRwkGE7XiiPxvX2hUTExoi8BLKLwdYtG4Kjd06fYUWMK0DjIpX/s1600/Storyteller+Logo2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjs6-aPmsMWgeVSSniU_cXAc20IdZvMDW7w-soPfD9OpVw-Mb3BRsjoD-bX0MfhRlY6VhxBLuD8BgVgfM8fD35NaUxVedrRwkGE7XiiPxvX2hUTExoi8BLKLwdYtG4Kjd06fYUWMK0DjIpX/s1600/Storyteller+Logo2.jpg" height="400" width="383" /></a></div>
Mariahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14285090805313382135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6970836852078384833.post-30196046359059556112014-09-23T19:41:00.001-07:002014-09-23T19:51:07.570-07:00Trust. To Let Go.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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We just wanted to share our fundraising successes thus far and thank EVERYONE for all the ways they have been sewing into us! I have been loved on very deeply by the support that is coming from all our dear friends. Humbled. Speechless. Emotional. I have been moved to tears at the gift of generosity that I don't know if words would ever describe. There has been moments where the devil has whispered a lie that has penetrated my heart with stabbing pain and moments later one of YOU came as a gift, a kiss from the Lord, in support of us and renewed my faith to keep pressing on! And that's how I've been muttling along, moment to moment.<br />
<br />
We are a little over half-way funded with 14 days left to come up with the remainder of the fees! <u><b>FOURTEEN DAYS</b></u>...I'm not going to lie, when I say this out loud, look at the calendar and even type it, the wind deflates from my lungs and I hear dramatic scary-music beating in the back of my mind knowing that we planned, developed & exhausted our brains for months for the ideas we fundraised with over the past 2+ months to come up with nearly the same amount that is due in 2 short weeks. I have sold everything I could on the garage sale except for my husband! LOL!<i> </i>I am straight-up, out of magic tricks and fundraising ideas.<i> BUT, God has a plan</i>....the control freak in me would really love to know that plan too, but for now I must learn to trust Him even more. So now is the time I fix my gaze upon the eyes of Jesus [some days whimpering like a scaredy baby] and not look even for a moment at this raging storm all around me, or I'll sink to the bottom of the sea!<br />
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In an attempt to maintain transparency, I'll just share a day in the life of this stay at home mom ~ pass me the wipes and a diaper and have a seat on the dirty floor, amongst the chaos and in between diaper changes and flying toys, I'll share the secrets of my heart. I have been discovering over these past months that I have some deep seeded trust issues I didn't know were hiding way down, deep in there, undisturbed...I mean, I thought I was already over that mountain! God's actually been telling me this for over a year with His sweet, quiet whispers when my heart agonizes in mystery with questions that are pain-filled from disappointments too great to speak of...I'll hear this thought buzz through my mind like a faint whisper on the winds whistling through the cornfield "you're not trusting Me". And I ignore it, thinking, I simply don't understand what you could mean, Lord. <u>I trust you.</u> I do! I promise, I do. I may not trust, Tom, Dick, Harry or even Donny at times...but I trust YOU! But over the course of the past few months, when God called me, a stay-at-home-mom, who works a full-time job but earns NO INCOME, to shepherd her son on a mission trip to Haiti that costs $4600 real green dollars, that she did not have one red penny for, I thought I TRUSTED, blindly, when I leapt off that cliff with my wide-eyed, adrenaline pumping heart as we answered YES to the call of God to "walk on the water" and I came to quickly realize that it's time I learn to TRUST Him on a whole 'nother level that makes me incredibly vulnerable....and my flesh says...OH YUCK.<br />
<br />
As the months quickly fleeted by with a simple blink of an eye and the financial reality began to feel more like impending doom of a brick that someone tied to my leg as I'm trying to walk on the water to meet my Jesus, I started sinking as I began to carry this weight as my own. I continue to sink and keep sinking. What is happening, questions bubbled up like water filling my lungs and so I scrambled to do what anyone who's drowning would do...fight for survival. Life suddenly becomes so loud when you live in 'survival mode'...everything is noisy, even the silence is deafening...it's so very hard to hear that whisper of life, that whisper you need for sustenance; it's nearly impossible to hear, but the lies are noisy, so very loud & noisy and that will keep your days BUSY. Suddenly I watched myself transition into a familiar role that I knew how to fulfill: self-reliance, independence, trusting no-one but myself, knowing Maria will have to handle this or everything will fall apart; carry this load and don't let anyone know how heavy it is, hiding behind the facade of an "independent spirit" with an orphan heart believing that I
MUST provide the means necessary with constant reassurance from the lies that I am completely alone on this although don't forget others are DEPENDING ON <b>ME</b> TO COME THROUGH...so do not let them down, all of them noisy voices! Yikes, so there it is...that trust issue, bubbling right up to the surface, stealing my oxygen, stinging my lungs with every.single.gasp.for air.... <i>"I CAN ONLY DEPEND ON ME"</i>...Oh, so is that what you meant, Lord? This giant monster under my bed with the neon flashing light, hiding in plain sight...is that the trust issue you've been talking about? So I guess I can't put my money where my mouth is, literally, on this one. TRUST: 5 letters that make up one of the most terrifying words I know and hardly a person on the planet I'd ever use in a description of. Never seemed to be a big deal...until now. This is more than a small issue, isn't it Lord? This is probably causing a problem or two in my life, isn't it Lord?...<br />
<br />
Then one day I read these words from Wendy Backlund: <i>Trust is sometimes a hard thing for people (perhaps because they don't
understand what it means to trust someone). It doesn't mean I trust you
to never hurt me or fail me; but it means that when you hurt me or fail
me, I will trust that you love me despite the imperfections and
weaknesses that I see. I will trust in your motives, I will trust that
you are trying to improve and grow in areas. I will trust that you are
sorry for hurting me.</i><br />
<br />
<i>I Corinthians 13 mentions that love "believes all things and hopes all
things." Can we understand that only perfect people can keep from
hurting us or misunderstanding us? When we believe in the goodness and
love of someone's heart for us, it doesn't hurt as much when they fail
us, say something wrong about us, or get mad at us. This can be true
because out of an attitude of trust, we are able to make a case for
their love for us, rather than a case against them.</i><br />
<br />
<i>Trust is similar to faith in that our trust isn't tested until the
evidence seems to contradict what we believe. Many people hold back
trust because they want to be able to trust "safely." I don't believe we
should put ourselves in reckless situations by trusting just any body;
however, we cannot raise the bar so high that we do not trust anyone. If
you have no one whom you trust then you probably need to adjust your
perspective of what trust means.</i><br />
<br />
And after I read that devotional one morning, my heart had a Homer Simpson moment and I sat there...thinking "Doh". I once heard it said that money will reveal what's hiding in a person's heart...well in my case, the lack thereof, has revealed an incredible insecurity of distrust and unworthiness hiding in mine....which reminds me of a favorite Bill Johnson quote "<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">insecurity is wrong security exposed"...guess I'm the new poster child for this one. </span>Funny how I did not start this blog out to go to this 'confessional place', I just wanted to be thankful and celebrate all your support while I work on my insecurities back here in Buckman where no one has to see them and then somehow we took a hard right and here I am airing out my underwear while we sit here changing diapers as I attempt to conquer this giant by just being stark honest, in the thick of this heavenly adoption process, confessing that I'm on a journey of learning how to let God have even greater access to the secret places of my heart, I don't have it all figured out, I'm terrified stiff most days as I watch that ticker on the calendar counting down 14 more days at the speed of light! This "insecurity" has unveiled a deep brokenness in me like a pressure cooker and for the life of me all I can think of is all the times I thought God was going to come through, like I knew, that I knew, that I knew, with a supernatural gift of faith...and YET it didn't happen....and when I try and turn to the Lord in all this mess, desperate for His voice all I hear is two tiny words "let go"....which feels like a total loaded gun. So I have a decision to make, I have a freedom to fight for, I have a 2 ton brick to let go of, I have a God who wants me to trust Him as my provider and I have to get out of the boat and try to walk on this water again because there's a glory story waiting for me and I want to find it.<br />
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Thanks for listening...time to put this baby to bed! <br />
<br />Mariahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14285090805313382135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6970836852078384833.post-57185943488967545052014-08-27T12:29:00.000-07:002014-08-27T12:29:10.196-07:00*Important* Quick Update<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I need to ask a huge favor from y'all. If you have ordered a t-shirt
online in support of our trip, could you email me [mariatraut@gmail.com] and let me know how
many items you purchased. There happens to be a "kink in the spokes" so
to speak with their new e-store software and for us to get our credit, I
may need to submit the numbers of items purchased. We will no longer be
fundraising through selling t-shirts (I am removing the blog post with
the info) because we have decided to pursue this other route and sell
these SUPER FUN bracelets that we have just received: </div>
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<img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLby_p_fdGhB_GnKMW6dfAuxT9m7PaKdKKNJs5ky6DKp09uLFfi_Gs-50ugPUJL27oC6Uz0uD-YM63CXXNBIkgVfTz1sf_8gu54G1KVJWf9Jf9l-2qIyoT2SihFARyEs1c9cGBgFE_-gEX/s1600/classic.png" height="157" width="400" /></div>
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More on these to come soon!!!!Mariahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14285090805313382135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6970836852078384833.post-17996288273123227812014-07-30T14:16:00.000-07:002014-07-30T14:16:28.924-07:00Garage Sale Goodness!!So we're jumping in head first on this idea of raising some funds for our Haiti Mission Trip! We'd love your advice on how to do such a thing cuz we only have one plan in place with wheels in motion....and if I am stark honest with you all, I'd have to admit, *asking* for money makes the skin crawl right off my back so becoming a "fundraiser" is about as outside of my element as one could possibly SHOVE ME. But inventive ways to earn some cashola has my thinker workin' overtime, my engine revving, wheels turning, exhaust rolling...or maybe I'm just burning rubber over here? Please DeAr FrIeNdS...this is our plea to you: we'd love all the wild advice and crazy ideas we can get on this one as we have just weeks to prepare and as much as we've rubbed our two pennies together, they're not multiplying over here!<br />
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Here is our list so far, what do you have to add ~ creativity wins extra points!! ha! <br />
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We are taking donations for our garage sale if you have anything you'd like to part ways with we'd gladly accept some items to make our sale a lil more "beefy". We'd also LOVE for you to tell all your friends, especially all your Buckman & Pierz friends so they can come shopping.<br />
<br />Mariahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14285090805313382135noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6970836852078384833.post-49737501533171145872014-07-12T05:38:00.000-07:002014-07-12T05:50:05.942-07:00When He Whispers...I've been waiting for a few months to share this testimony and reveal the secrets of our heart in celebration of a wondrously big God who calls us to walk upon the deep waters with Him! I've been "holding this secret" since April and I want to BURST. Every time I sit down to express my heart, there are no words. That's a first for me (I see you nodding your head in agreement as you've all received a 'Maria War & Peace Novel' under the guise of an email response). Usually my fingers can not keep up to the speed of my spirit when I sit down to "pour out" onto the "paper"....but not this time. Time and again I sat down to complete blankness. So I waited for Him to give me the words, after all it is His story and so I must wait on Him to share it!<br />
<br />
I feel that time has arrived. So here goes nothing:<br />
<br />
Early this past spring, I sensed the Lord whispering to me in a way that only could have been His voice speaking. He was sending me intimately personalized signs, one after another, as if to say He wanted my undivided attention! Once I realized it was truly the Lord's heartbeat I was hearing, I was overwhelmed with excitement as He downloaded the secrets of His heart to me. Of course, I immediately ran off to Donny to share all that God had been wildly revealing to me and as always, when the details poured from my rambling mouth, I watched my husband's eyes grow to the size of watermelons and dislodge from his sockets and fall onto his lap. But we agreed to join together in prayer, listening for Him and pressing in for confirmation. And confirmation we did receive, in abundance, because God is that good and He knows just how to speak in a way that His children will assuredly hear His voice!<br />
<br />
So what is it that God was speaking to me that was so glorious and terrifying that it could cause my husbands eyes to morph into some reaction reminiscent of a scene from Beetlejuice? It was an invitation of grand-proportion to see God calling our first born son as a man.<br />
<br />
God began to reveal His heart to me about my son Zachary. He showed me deeply personal secrets of the visions & dreams that the God of the UNIVERSE carries over Zach's life AS A MAN and my heart began to unravel at the seams in awe & wonder over the magnitude of God's calling upon our son. I knew it was time for this mama to grab a new pair of eyeballs herself! I needed to open my eyes to start seeing this "little boy" of ours as the man that God could see. And I began to wonder if David's mother seen him in a new light after God called out that puny, little, pubescent, teenage boy to step into his calling by entering a ring to battle Goliath with a kid's sling-shot carrying a man's legacy as future king called to be a world changer, with a warrior's heart and the faith of an intimate worshiper? Did his mama look at him with those eyes? Did she see sitting before her a boy who was destined to overcome the impossible with just a little rock? Did she realize that day God began to reveal to all of us one of the most epic tales of a hero's legacy found in the Old Testament? While she looked in the face of that pubescent boy coming home excitedly telling her eye-socket-popping tales at the kitchen table over his peanut butter & jelly sandwich...did she see a man?<br />
<br />
I'll tell you God doesn't see us the way we see ourselves or even see each other...and I'm so thankful for that. It is my life's pursuit of love to always see the way God sees. I have a long way to go, but every day I get the chance to practice! So on with spilling the secret;<br />
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After I had clearly received all the signs, knew God's voice was obviously pointing in this one direction, resuscitated my husband back to life, prayed together with fervency; we decided we had to bring this invitation to the table for Zach to pray about as well after all, it was more about him than either of us anyway..this much I knew. So one night I sat down with Zach while Donny was out of town to share with him the vision that God had shown me and ask him to pray with us. I was wildly excited, but my heart was reserved as I didn't actually believe Zach would EVER agree to something so monumentally big & scary for a 12yr old, not-to-mention it was going to be costly for him to accept. So I shared, that God was asking us, mother & son, if we'd go on a <u><b>mission trip to Haiti</b></u> together in November 2014. It would require that Zach spend his birthday in Haiti and that he would miss rifle hunting in Minnesota this year (his greatest passionate obsession with his dad), he'd miss school for a week and possibly some basketball practice. As you can imagine ~ he reacted in our new "Traut tradition" and I had to catch his eyeballs too as they lept off his face like spring-loaded bouncy balls!<br />
<br />
Indeed it was a costly decision that he must pray about and hear God speak to his own heart, and he wrestled it out for a week. 7 days later we sat down to talk about a decision as a family as we had a deadline in April we had to make the choice by and it was the 11th hour. As we sat down on the couch and I could tell by Zach's behavior all week that it was a hard decision for him, I felt undoubtedly his answer was going to be "no" and I had come to terms in my own heart with "no" being the reality....but just as his eyes met mine;<br />
<br />
I said "well, we have to make a choice tonight"<br />
And he blurted out "I know what God wants me to do"<br />
I said "you do?"<br />
Then he said "yeah, God wants me to go to Haiti."<br />
And I responded [in shock] "wow, did He give you a sign, or how did He speak to you that you're so certain?"<br />
He then shared "well, the week before you told me about the trip, God spoke to me and said He had something really special for me on my birthday this year. Then when you were talking to me about the trip, God was speaking to me at the same time saying "this is the special thing I have for you"...then you told me the trip was over my birthday".<br />
<br />
Yep, you guessed it...insert mom's dangling eyeballs from sockets here....with a side of speechless dad choking on his own tongue.<br />
<br />
OH MY HEART....<br />
<br />
At this point, it didn't matter to me if we went on the trip or not, I was in awe of my son's ability to hear the Lord speak to him and to KNOW God's voice so assuredly! This moment without doubt had me in tears of absolute joy.<br />
<br />
Long story short(er): We didn't make a decision that night because Zach's fears and God's voice conflicted to the degree he simply couldn't answer. Zach still needed one last night to wrestle this through with God to see if his fears and/or desires were greater than God's invitation and in the morning when he woke up, he walked out into the kitchen with a new found confidence and I could see the wrestling match was over. Just knowing my son could hear the Lord's voice soooo clearly, my heart was now at peace with whatever his decision might be. And he said to me <i>"Mom, I want to go to Haiti. Let's do it. It's more important to me to listen to God than anything else"</i>. And my heart melted into a puddle of overflowing malt-o-meal from the stove as I stood there in my pj's and bed hair, attempting to make breakfast before school and I became lost in a love encounter with God as He transformed my vision and I watched my son sitting there at my kitchen counter, eating his peanut butter toast staring back at me as a man, not a boy! A man who captured the heart of God so deep that somehow he knew at this wildly young age that following God out into the scary unknown, deep waters, listening to that whisper is always worth what we perceive to be "the cost". And I know that a very big God is waiting to show-up for my son as He polishes the gold hidden inside that young man's heart in preparation to and on the ground in Haiti, so much will birth to life that Zach never knew God had planted inside his heart and Zach will come home understanding that there never really was a cost in comparison to touch of God that radically changed him. And let's not even get started on what God's doing in & to "me"...that's a whole other novel!<br />
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[side note: <i>just one</i> awesome fun lil testimony of 'confirmation' we received ~ one of Zach's greatest fears leading him towards saying "no" was that he'd be the only "kid" on the trip with a bunch of old people "like me" and be stuck with all women. The day we signed up for the trip, the trip leader Becki responded to me with a quick email saying that she loved watching God orchestrate His missions ~ as Zach and I were the <u>4th pair</u> of "mom & teenage son" duo's to sign up for the exact same trip!!!! Zach's face lit up like the glowing sun when I revealed the power of that one tiny detail of God's goodness and all fear was obliterated in that moment...of course...AFTER he took the leap in blind faith! Ha! Take that "fear"!!]<br />
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So here is our invitation for you to join us on this new adventure with God to Haiti. Follow us on this blog, pray for us [PLEEEEASE!], support us, walk into the heart of God with us and hopefully be gloriously ruined along side of us come November 8-15th as we venture out into the deep with the ACT Mission team!!<br />
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Much more to share in days to come! Stay tuned....<br />
<br />Mariahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14285090805313382135noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6970836852078384833.post-9649829123885397902014-05-06T13:39:00.001-07:002014-05-06T13:45:17.265-07:00Time to RESURRECT this blog!!We have some big news to share soon, so I just wanted to breathe a little life into these dry-bones and resurrect this blog!! A new adventure is on the horizon! STAY TUNED!!!!! Mariahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14285090805313382135noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6970836852078384833.post-79949424814809613082010-07-13T13:38:00.000-07:002010-07-13T13:40:49.422-07:00Africa missions anyone?I just have to share this opportunity with y'all!<br /><br /><a href="http://freeafricatrip.com/?fbid=yuykj5tw3b-"><strong>http://freeafricatrip.com/?fbid=yuykj5tw3b-</strong></a><br /><strong><br />A FREE trip to Africa! Doesn't it make your heart skip a beat with excitement? Does mine!!<br /></strong>Mariahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14285090805313382135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6970836852078384833.post-79612138641344034022010-06-25T09:38:00.000-07:002010-06-25T09:45:46.996-07:00Still living!I just wanted to put a quick post on here that I am still alive, and I know this blog still exists horribly neglected by me. God is and has been doing great things in my life that I would love nothing more than to chronicle and share in full details for and all 2 followers, if you haven't packed your bags and moved on long ago!<br /><br />For now, I wanted to put an update on here that God is moving & shifting some big stuff in our lives though it's all in premature form right now so I'm not going to give testimony until the journey has time to mature into fruition and we're walking out the new path God is giving our family to embark upon.<br /><br />When this testimony is given, I may start to use this blog more frequently to chronicle the new way God has chosen to reveal Himself to me and the newest chapter that is opening in my life of seeking His presence daily. Hopefully this blog will become used to a fuller degree in the months to come!Mariahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14285090805313382135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6970836852078384833.post-80605082964744231242010-02-22T12:39:00.000-08:002010-02-22T12:42:23.640-08:00My "For the Love" EncounterThrough hell & high water, okay…more like flight cancellations & a foot of snow (which resembles the first scenario to this solo traveler) I arrived in the Smokey Mountains to embark upon a God designed photography workshop! SWEET, I totally new I was leaving this place a rockstar photographer, especially after meeting the rockstar teachers!! Hallelujah, no more flying blind behind the camera lens depending solely upon those happy accidents! <br /><br />The first morning together we enjoyed some of the most powerful worship I have encountered in my time here on earth, only a handful of times have I felt the presence of the Lord that tangibly thick in a room and heavy upon my heart like a pile of Glory that could smoosh ya! I was in HEAVEN! During this worship I felt the Lord place a word on my heart that He wanted me to share with my new friends. I felt His burning heart to reach out and touch every single child of His that sat in that room; He wanted to lavish love on everyone like they had not known before and He wanted to use each one of us as His hands and feet to do it. Oh man, what an amazing vision to receive but God surely had picked the wrong wimp to release it to…because the moment I heard my Father’s heart cry, I was overcome with a fear that I have never known before; all consuming! This moment made my journey with fear prior to this trip feel like small potatoes in comparison to the lump I was now trying to swallow, did God really want me to SPEAK OUT LOUD! Oh the HORROR, even though I have done it before and obviously lived…I still couldn’t breathe from the sheer terror! [That was not in my wallflower plans, I came here to hide in the background and write millions of pages of notes on Photography!] The enemy tried to help me find every scapegoat in the book to assure me, that certainly in my introverted preference I could just stay quiet, blend in with the knotty pine and keep it simple. After all with my deaf ears that can’t truly define the Father’s voice there was no need to risk getting it all wrong and stand up to share my heart in front of 25+ people only to be a total fool. Pouring my soul out was risky and felt absurd when I assured myself the word was probably, really only for lil ole me anyway, just a friendly reminder from Him…surely no need to walk up to that microphone. So the moment passed as I rationalized myself out of the idea and later I timidly approached Ginny, the amazing leader of this workshop about the Lord putting something on my heart and she gave me permission to share whatever I felt led to. Awesome! No really, awesomely TERRIFYING because at that moment the fear quadrupled! IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE TO BE THIS SCARED OVER SOMETHING SO SIMPLE?!? <br /><br />At the first teaching session I knew I earned my “money’s worth” of photo gold…I learned so much about the nuts & bolts of photography and received a huge revelation that I totally knew nothing about my camera and was using it backwards(painfully humbling to recognize this in the midst of amazingly talented photographers!). Thankfully Lauren helped our class set their camera’s to some fundamentally essential settings…and instantly I was in over my head, staring at a machine I no longer recognized and couldn’t maneuver with any sort of natural ease! Time to get to know this thing all over again! My information retaining tank hit the ‘full’ mark before this retreat barely even began. Oh goodness, this was exactly the crash course I was looking for…if only my brain would cooperate in soaking it in! {BTW: I’m internally celebrating…Donny’s going to be so excited, I’m learning SOO MUCH!} And the teaching progressed to explode my expectations! There is nothing more powerful than a teaching that contains the very testimony of God’s heart when He reveals His will for your life and you receive it, such was the spirit that oozed out of Erik’s teachings….it was in that moment that something started to stir in me, something I couldn’t put my finger on, but my spirit was right there hanging on every anointed word. Did I mention, I’m making some indescribable new friendships as each hour passes, yes I am. <br /><br />By day 3 (4 worship sessions later still fearfully holding my ground not to speak) I’m noticing a really sweet presence of a spirit of His love just falling down one snowflake at a time blanketing us up on these mountains like the fresh 5 inches that literally trapped us upon that mountain top for the week. Yet a few issues still managed to fester amongst this easy, relaxed setting, I remained absolutely frozen stiff, paralyzed by fear from what the Lord released to me the first day to share and was trying my best to just ignore it and find a rational reason to do so! I was forcing all energy to be totally focused on soaking in every photography detail possible, after all that’s WHY I’M HERE, but by this time I started to see myself from the perspective of a fly on the wall watching myself fumble through the photography piece of this workshop and I’m noticing odd things here & there that I am consciously dismissing on purpose; like the fact that numerous times I walked away uninterested in a conversation people were engage in about business related facts, or if people were sharing great websites to help develop your business I happen to just peruse along my merry way uninvolved. By this time I had fully taken notice I had not expressed one iota of interest in wedding related photography (which was an underlying theme due to the majority being primarily in this business), which of course totally soaked me with another dose of fear. Though I totally aware with all subconsious and consious attention of the spiritual battle within that began the first morning and that part of my journey was keeping me really busy. <br /><br />During the 3rd day I came to a point where I couldn’t hold the burden on my heart any longer and the Lord allowed me just enough courage to seek out the wisdom of Walt; Ginny’s amazing brother, who was her cohort in the incredible worship. And Walt spoke life into me, the very life I needed, the Lord released revelation, lifted veils and I started to see with different eyes; eyes not masked with fear goggles! During this awesome fellowship with Walt I came to a solid concretely conscious awareness that I was totally missing out on some stellar photography training to be abandoned in my conversation about my beloved Jesus, but I couldn’t bear to break away because I love more than anything to share & hear about Jesus and the life that was budding inside me superseded my desire to have this once in a million chance to learn hands on from real professional photographers. What on earth was happening here? <br /><br />That evening during our opportunity to worship together I felt a deep desire to just be finished with this epic war of fear and all its torment. Although once we began to sing I felt it come on me literally like a cold breeze, it started to cripple me from the toes up, I literally started losing feeling in my legs. A few times I tried to move my feet with no success to bring myself to that petrifying microphone and speak. I held my bible open to Isaiah 61:3, the promise, my promise, our promise, His promise…I clenched that thing tight like a child clinging to her papa’s leg in terror. Then a moment arose where Ginny said the beginning phrase of the same word I was holding in my heart, proclaiming the Lord wanted us to pray for each other and in that moment a Holy courage arose over me I knew it was time to move now or forever regret this missed opportunity to share what’s on my heart and my legs walked ME right up to that microphone by their very own selves…and I did as I always do in front of “big” crowds [I know, it was 20 some people get over it right…well it looked like 20 thousand through my eyes!]. I stood there shaking like a leaf, nudging up to that horrifying microphone, speaking through my terror and I bawled. Yep, bawled like a little baby. I absolutely just hate that I can’t speak without the bawling part…weird, but to you be the blubbering glory Lord, every tear & snot stream, it’s all for you God, glamorous I know. <br /><br />So I did it ~ faced the fear and I shared my heart, the most vulnerable place I could go, sharing the greatest fundamental, long-lasting river of life-giving revelation the Lord has sewn into me through Isaiah 61…I bared my soul in just a few short sentences, and the moment I opened my mouth it poured outta me, all of it, every word just came fumbling out through my trembling lips, through my sniffing clogged nasal passages I finally learned to embrace my weakness as a blubbering mess with no speaking skills because I knew this risk was worth it. In this moment I had an encounter with Jesus, suddenly I focused my attention all upon Him, [so I hope in retrospect that what was coming out of my mouth actually made sense because it was not coming from my ‘working’ brain], I was struck in awe by the presence of my Father sweeping over this place with His indescribably beautiful, intentional, personalized, overwhelming love only He can lavish. I watched something awesome occur as I had that fly on the wall perspective once again for just a moment, I saw the hands & feet of Jesus Christ began to move and we loved on one another in prayer and support and tears and hugs in every single way Jesus would die on a cross to have the chance to do to us Himself. And I seen orphan spirits become adopted sons & daughters. And I feel so deeply that we grew into His family in that moment, no longer photographers or new friends or fellow Christians…we were one thing in unison; His children receiving His love as part of His family, chosen by Him = adopted. Oh how this encounter just overflows my spirit with the purpose that I’ve been designed to fill! It was phenomenal, there was a substantial change in the spiritual atmosphere, freedom was released because where the Spirit is there is always freedom. The presence of a greater love stayed and never left this place. Not like any of my other experiences in this type of an encounter with God’s spiritual presence…It didn’t stop when worship was over, it didn’t fade as teachings began, it didn’t subside when the schedule became busy, it didn’t dissipate when obstacles arose, it didn’t grow distant through the [short] night hours…it stayed, in tangible form, love remained, LOVE REMAINED and we just abided in that love and He did all the work in us and through us, changing lives. <br /><br />As my gracious God longs to do…he gave me one more encounter before I could truly, fully embrace the revelation that I came to while seeking His face at this workshop. Our 4th day together, I found myself wandering into the kitchen like a stray cat, letting my three new southern mama’s love on me and I began to share my spiritual journey with them. We shared about our mutual love for Jesus and I was lost in this soul-fulfilling joy, a mother’s heart lavishing support and encouragement upon me, cheering for my ever-hungry chase after that beautiful Jesus and ensuring me to keep running toward Him. I had the divine privilege to dote over my love for Africa, my beloved Best Family and the orphans that have forever changed my life…and everything else faded into the nonexistent background…even the fact that the whole crew was outside learning all sorts of super important camera lighting tricks (one of the primary lessons I came to learn here) and I was engaged in sharing my love for Jesus, yet again…missing out on some much needed teaching and I couldn’t tear myself away from Him. And so I knew, in my heart that He had shown me what I came desiring to discover, but it was not the answer I had imagined I’d receive. In all honesty actually what I had realized more-so was what photography shoe did “not” fit and there was still a little gray area left for the photography unknown because I was too scared to embrace the real answer He had given me. <br /><br />So the final night arrived and people are sharing some absolutely amazing stories about what the Lord has done in their life over the course of one week and my spirit is buzzing with fire from the power of their testimony. Personally, I felt like I was pretty sure I knew what route to go when I came home, I certainly knew what I was NOT going to do, but felt like there was more yet to discern, stones unturned, things left to seek. When the sharing started to taper off, I suddenly felt this urge to share what God had revealed to me, yet I totally DID NOT WANT TO…and so I blurted out my spiritual breakthrough that occurred on the journey Jesus led me through to face my fear and speak out in front of all them and I was planning on ending the testimony right there when suddenly I rambled out without my consent the confession that while at this For the Love workshop I learned I’m NOT a professional photographer! And once I spoke those words, I felt an immense, giddy, child-like joy flood me…I was free and I laughed, it was hilarious and funny and oh so ironic to me to have to spend so much money to realize what I’m NOT even though I possibly new before I arrived?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! {BTW: boy was Donny NOT GOING TO LOVE THIS when I came home}….but I knew, cuz I knew, cuz I knew that I was made to fill a different role in this life than professional photographer and I was so free from finally receiving the fullness of that discernment journey. <br /><br />So I asked the Lord, WHAT ON EARTH AM I DOING HERE, I TRULY BELIEVE YOU CALLED ME HERE? I just couldn’t believe I mistakenly chased God through all these obstacles to get to the Smoky Mountains and learn this hard earned truth…I mean seriously, He could’ve just let my camera slip off the counter and break into pieces and we would’ve achieved the same goal of “non photographer” for less time & money! And when I asked He showed His face to me and I knew this was a spiritual journey for me, this was entirely about me learning how to follow Him. This was my journey to fine tune His voice. This was my journey of blind faith. This was my chance to grow in obedience. This was my journey to conquer fear. This was my journey to spiritual freedom. This was me walking into my destiny. This was a missionary assignment for me to seek Him and release Him, to be a divine appointment for someone as so many of them were for me. <br /><br />After all that I finally knew what Photography means to me; it’s part of my secret place, the place where Jesus shows His face to me and it’s simply one way He loves on me like a father & daughter playing hide & seek. I pick up the camera and I seek to see the ordinary through His eyes and momentarily capture something extraordinary and I realized that when I photograph nature and small children that is exactly what happens, joy consumes me, He loves on me with quick glimpses through His lens to capture beauty in something that I had never seen before…right there, this passion, hiding in plain sight, on the back burner…was really a journey about Him revealing more His love for me and me seeking to find it. So photography is my hobby and I’m a hobbyist photographer (which I just learned today existed as a title, so I took it!! YAY!)…and I am free to be just that. <br /><br />Surely the story doesn't end here, happily ever after and warm fuzzies... <br /><br />And so you all are wondering WHAT ABOUT DONNY? Well, he did not die of cardiac arrest, nor did he go into monetary, wallet-distressing shock. A great piece of wisdom was released to me once I knew I had to go home to “face the giant” and confess my really expensive non-photography producing excursion to Tennessee before my husband and live to tell about it. Here’s the wisdom given to me “How much Grace does your Father have?”……oh man, GRACE…that gift of grace ~ the grace that I tell everyone else about, oh yeah…THAT GRACE, oh silly Maria haven't you even been praying for months toknow how to live in a greater GRACE…so um, OUCH was this an answer to my prayer? Good Lawd girl watch what you pray for! So I guess now was as good of time as any to put my money(or lack thereof) where my mouth was and that is all I had to go home on…grace (and of course that uber expensive camera strapped to my back). <br /><br />On my drive home from the airport, I spent an amazing 3 hours in my car being loved on by Jesus. His love remained. He downloaded all sorts of gems that would take a novel to share with you all about what this trip really meant for me, so many facets and avenues and so much was planted and birthed in me through this journey to the mountains. So much revelation that I thought my head might explode trying to receive it all. But I think one of the greatest gems He shared with me as I cried out every single mile home from Minneapolis “Lord, HOW DO I EVEN BEGIN TO TELL DONNY THE ‘BAD’ NEWS?” He answered “You tell him, photography is His hobby too, and it’s my gift to the both of you.”….and I bawled big ole happy crocodile tears of immense joy, OMG, it sooo was OURS, together, to SHARE, OURS ~ the first thing since we’ve married (besides our beautiful boys) to share ONE passion for. All this time Donny’s excitement was not FOR ME, it was his very OWN EXCITEMENT bubbling up through my opportunity. So by the time I arrived home I was nearly giddy to tell him I had wasted all our money, left him for a week to come home with no business to pursue but we had a dandy of a hobby on our hands! Now that is SOME GRACE my friends (especially if you know my hubby, my marriage+money and/or my consuming fear!). Divinely, The Lord beat me home though as He has promised in His word to go before us and also be our rear guard. So I began with a plan to soften his hard heart by sharing Erik’s amazing God-destined photography testimony…and before I even finished sharing the story my husband blurts out the very words jumbling around in my brain….”so what did you discover Maria, that you love nature photography?”........and the joy burst right through the seams of my heart! I shouted YES! WHEW! And I knew there was only seconds to diffuse the 2nd bomb I was sure to erupt with my magical revelation of it being Donny’s hobby too, BUT grace got in the way and…Donny blurted right out in response “I sooo love nature photography too”! And I shouted out in shock OH YES YOU DO(and of course segued into my groovy revelation…thus giving a concrete need for having 2 cameras…which surely validates the uber expensive one we just bought, right?!)! <br /><br />And I seen right there before my very eyes…the birth of something beautiful ~ Jesus, showing up with the missing tools to help us move our marriage from the sand to the rock ~ through His beautiful gift of nature photography as ONE hobby, He gave it to us ~ His promise in some tangible form beginning to blossom…an invitation to seek & find Him alongside one another together peering through the lens of a camera. And that is what Photography means to me!Mariahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14285090805313382135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6970836852078384833.post-40417485668961324782010-02-18T07:07:00.000-08:002010-02-18T07:23:04.400-08:00PHO⋅TOG⋅RA⋅PHY: The art, practice, or occupation of taking and printing photographs.I find myself asking questions of myself these recent days, like what is photography, sure it’s the art or process of producing images of objects on photosensitive surfaces, but what is it to ME?<br /><br />When the Lord first began to awaken my heart to notice I probably qualify for the ‘beyond average’ category in the obsessive photo-snapping department I like to label as “a hobby”; I finally realized maybe there could be something more to this photography thing than hobby status and it might not be so normal to only recognize my children through a viewfinder with crosshairs (of a camera my friends, not the scope of a gun…although there are days!! ha!). For the past 2 years I’ve been pondering this in my leisure time, stalking my children all the while and reminiscing on all the ways my love of pictures has surfaced through my life.<br /><br />I guess I’ve come to realize over the past months it’s always been there, this passion, in plain sight yet hiding on the back burner where I kept it nicely brewing on luke warm, never paying much attention. Momentarily I moved this pot to the front burner in 2007 and tried to pursue professional schooling but it was just not in the cards so I comfortably placed this pot of dreams back on the burner it belonged! As of recent months thanks to a gradual progression in my job description it was as if beyond my control this pot jumped burners and my passion began to bubble up and boil over in my professional and personal world! I started to take notice doors were opening out of the clear blue and so it required I give this hobby some real attention! <strong><em>[quick sidenote:]</em></strong> <em>Most of you know that when I gave my life to the Lord a few years ago, I left my personal agenda behind when I met Jesus (or at least that is my hope). I threw away my “check list” and traded all my plans for His will and it’s been an absolute thrilling ride alongside my savior every single day, growing in Him fulfills me deeper than anything I’ve ever known before and it’s simply ALL I desire.</em> So when photography started to bubble up to the surface, I felt reservation in pursuing anything without the favor of my Father shining through ~ guiding, speaking & leading and photography has never been on my spiritual/ministry radar, so I took caution because I certainly did not want this hobby to distract me from serving my Lord whole heartedly. I actually wrestled quite intensely this fall & winter strongly trying to discern if this was His will or my hobby on steroids? What I knew without doubt, is I did not need one more thing to keep me BUSY, I was already needing 30 hours in a day to keep up with life! Certainly I did not want to fall into a ‘busy’ trap set by the enemy! BUT, if this was FOR JESUS, I’d run wildly into the unknown and jump head first! SO, which one is it?!? And what about that radical awakening in Africa to my divine design as a missionary? Let that go and pursue this? Could these two worlds intersect? How on earth do I decide! In this process of turbulent discernment, crying out to hear from the Lord I inadvertently (aka divinely) landed on this too-good-to-be-true website called “For the Love” and you guessed it = it was a workshop about photography + Jesus…get out of town, could this even be true?! Lord, You had me at "Let's get away from the crowds for a while and rest." (Mark 6:31)… I’m in!! So now what do we do about all that money involved? I tossed & turned even more trying to decide if I fit the criteria to attend and how I could make it happen, it felt as though it were financially impossible, especially when talking about a consensual husband in the deal.<br /><br />I know without doubt the Lord gave me just enough signs to blindly take a leap and chase this photography dream to Tennessee for a week and so I did (scared out of my wits). The Lord even blessed me with a willing & supportive husband to pursue this avenue as to which I still remain in shock & awe that piece of the puzzle fit together in harmony for the 1st time in our married lives = one of us pursuing something with the other one’s full support; no dragging, kicking, whining, crying or death threats required! So I threw out all reasoning and figured this just plain ole had to be JESUS, by the evidence of that miracle alone!<br /><br />In taking the bait to chase this photography dream I set my missionary dreams aside believing that if I pursue something I do it with all my heart, so I thought for certain it was one or the other, I let go of them orphan babies who haunt my dreams and decided my husband’s support and our unity in marriage was probably where the Lord’s will would lie most prominently for me in this season of life. So I grabbed the photography baton and took off running, for all of two weeks, then the Lord snuck up on me out of the clear blue during a January weekend adventure in Arizona and ravished my heart when He surprised the dickens out of me and called me out of the crowd as a missionary AGAIN! And I unraveled like a ball of yarn, turned back into an indecisive mess of mixed emotion, drowning in my uncertainty. Except now it was TOO LATE, tickets were purchased, reservations made and many, many dollars sewed into this photography journey, oh how the horror of failure consumed me every single palpitating heartbeat. February 8th started to look more like a day of reckoning than a retreat! The enemy had me certainly convinced this big of a failure would be the apocalyptic end of my marriage. For weeks I had the deepest internal war raging inside; feeling as though my heart was restored to my missionary destiny[which paralyzes my husband with fear] I couldn’t bear to face Donny and share that I had doubts about this photography journey[now that it was too late to do anything about it], especially when I seen the glimmer of joy in his eyes about all things photography. His excitement for me was unexpected and too precious, something rarely shared in our relationship so I masked the fear in attempts to hang onto his support, even if it was all a facade I longed to be in this harmonious place in our relationship where he accepted and enjoyed the journey I was on in life! I kept holding onto the chance that maybe this was simply an avenue the Lord might use to season me even more for missionary life. Photographer while I wait, but ultimately missionary, I gotcha Lord, this is just a lil busy work between you & me, wink, wink! I was convincing myself maybe, just maybe photography and missions were meant to be together, at least that was the basis of many of my prayers and the place I tried to rest while I clung to an ounce of strength to live by faith. In all my waging wars of fear and indecision I kept returning to the fact that I heard my Father’s voice calling me to this photography workshop, with His confirmation a time or two and I had to proceed on that alone UNTIL He shows more of Himself. It was the only calm in the storms that raged inside my heart but it was those moments of soothing comfort that helped me brave the stormy seas of “second guessing” up until the moment I boarded the plane to Tennessee. [and because that was the only choice after configuring every possible option to back out of this workshop and receive a refund but coming up short with no logical, honest plan to do so.] So I boarded the plane, uber expensive camera strapped to my back with the belief that I would come home as a full-fledge pro photographer just as I had promised my husband and soon I’d recoup all that money we’ve sewed into this latest “Maria adventure”…<br /><br />So what happened in Tennesee at For the Love photographers workshop? God showed up...<br /><br />and you'll have to stay tuned to hear what happened! ...to be continued...Mariahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14285090805313382135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6970836852078384833.post-28163823509589776482009-12-28T13:10:00.000-08:002009-12-28T13:50:00.803-08:00For the LoveSo God has been working in my heart for some time now (guesstimate 3+ years) through photography, it's simply a way He speaks to me. And when I take pictures it feels as though I'm on a scavenger hunt with Jesus, I long to see children with His eyes. I see His beauty inside photos and I love deeply to chase & capture His creation through my perspective (albeit never do Him justice!). Obsessively and most harassingly this love has been cultivated through my two beautiful boys.<br /><br />But I can tell you something has been rumbling in my spirit for the past year to do "more" with this hobby of mine and I push it off as "second-rate" to my fiery missionary dreams. As recent days have brought me to an unforeseen crossroads of making a decision to actively pursue photography (as in formal training) or leave it in the hobby "basket" and be content I have found myself in a tornado of spiritual activity. I have prayed fervently for the Lord to speak to me. My ideal dream of all dreams would be to cultivate this skill technically and let Him use me creatively so I may glorify our God through photography as a means of ministry.<br /><br />The teeter totter I have been on the past couple months on trying to discern His will for me has been ferocious. I don't think I have been this "confused" by any other "God dream"...I have blindly chased the Lord with a child's heart, jumping both feet in, head first and never looking back. But, this time the decision has been one of long contemplation, hours of prayers and beautiful lil kisses of promise from my heavenly Father.<br /><br />The most recent of which has been me all but haphazardly landing upon this most amazing opportunity in the "nick of time" just as I landed on an opportunity to jet off to Africa "in the nick of time". It's funny that my heart's cry has been consistently "I only want to do this Lord WITH YOU, I only want to pursue this with zeal if it is YOUR will for me and ONLY if it can be OF YOU FIRST & FOREMOST!! I surely don't need another "thing" to keep me BUSY!" As often as I've prayed that, I've let go completely of the dream/plans to proceed numerous times until I find an OBVIOUS open door from the Lord. Well, check this site out and tell me friends, if it can get any more obvious than this!<br /><br /><a href="http://www.fortheloveworkshop.com/">http://www.fortheloveworkshop.com/</a><br /><br />This workshop is absolutely too good to be true. God, you are just too good to me. I love how it sings in my spirit in Bill Johnson wisdom about how God just longs to love on us and show us His goodness for no other reason that He is good. Ask and you shall receive, I simply can not believe these two passions of mine could blend together so beautifully and be offered unto me like a neatly wrapped gift!<br /><br />And so for the most amazing Christmas gift imaginable...my husband has given his blessing to chase after this next God adventure with his support. So I am bloggin to share about this amazing workshop to include you all on how God had been romancing me these days, months & years to a place of "action" and also to enter a chance to win a free spot at this workshop! Pray with me friends that the Lord will continue to make a way!! Beyond that, I want to invite anyone who is a Photog buff to jump in on this conference as well!! I couldn't imagine anything more awesome than embarking upon this with a fellow friend! Seriously, go check it out...it's simply amazing, and share it will all your Jesus loving photography friends!!Mariahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14285090805313382135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6970836852078384833.post-80585624660289672272009-12-21T12:08:00.000-08:002009-12-21T12:17:37.952-08:00Christmas SongsEvery year when the radio stations start threatening to play Christmas music upon the arrival of Thanksgiving, I cringe because I'm not ready for the year to be flying by so rapidly and gone in the blink of an eye and it reminds me of how far behind I usually am as well...no one enjoys those reminders! But every year to my surprise there is that ONE Christmas song that captures my heart, and leaves me a sloppy mess of emotion when I become still enough to cherish the reason for the season.<br /><br />This year it would be this precious tune that I heard for the first time!! I hope you all enjoy it as dearly as I have!<br /><br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/claKP84h9EE&hl=en_US&fs=1&"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/claKP84h9EE&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>Mariahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14285090805313382135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6970836852078384833.post-2352459801069807172009-12-02T10:05:00.000-08:002009-12-02T10:10:52.430-08:00December Devotion<span style="color:#ff9900;">I am just inspired beyond words as I hear my Father speaking to the depths of my heart inside this message I came to share. This devotional that I receive each month from Patricia King's ministry, <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">XPMedia</span> is too good not to pass along this month!!<br /><br />Written by Lorrie Myers and singing with the voice of Jesus into my heart!!<br /></span><br />Think about being “in love” for a minute. Remember that intense, wonderfully sweet feeling of first loving someone – and being loved back. It’s such a raw feeling, it makes your heart leap and your feet barely touch the ground!!! It envelopes your entire being like a warm blanket. <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">Ahhh</span>, the early first stages of love that enrapture and enfold us!<br /><br />Unfortunately, most of us were taught that those early feelings of love <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">couldn</span>’t last, and that love is a commitment, not just a feeling. There may be some truth to these statements, but then why does Scripture tell us to return to “our first love”?<br /><br /><em>“But you walked away from your first love – why? What’s going on with you, anyway? Do you have any idea how far you’<span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-error">ve</span> fallen? A Lucifer fall! Turn back! Recover your dear early love.”</em> —Revelations 2:4-5 The Message<br /><br />I think the Lord knew how easily we would ‘fall out of love’ with Him. We tend to be so goal- and success-oriented, especially in our North American culture, that before we even know it, we’re back into striving and performing, trying to please God with what we do. We even fall to a place of manipulating and controlling others so they contribute to our own agenda. All of these actions are certainly not from a place of love!<br /><br />We may say, “Of course, I know that God loves me, I’m a believer, <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-error">aren</span>’t I?” But we can so easily relegate this love to a mere form of theology: God is love and “Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so.” But do we fully experience and live in that love to its fullest? I know I don’t. But bit by bit, He’s teaching me and opening up my heart to receive more and more of His love. Wow, I thought I had already understood this, but obviously there’s still more love to get!!!<br /><br />How do I know I need more of His love? Any time that I’m frustrated, I know I need more of His love. Any time that I want to control a situation to achieve my own ends, I need more of His love. Any time my goals or “my ministry” becomes more important than loving the person in front of me, I need to experience more of His love. Any time I fall into worry and anxiety, I need a greater revelation of His love and His care for me.<br /><br />The really hard part for a doer-and-achiever like me is that I can’t force myself to love better. I can only ask Him to reveal His love to me in a greater measure and for His help in staying in first-love with Him. One song I have been soaking in these past several months has been Kim Walker’s version of “How He Loves Us.” (YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoC1ec-lYps) Talk about getting a love-hit through that song, again and again!!<br /><br />All I then have to do is to let that love grow in me and be extended to those around me. The fruit of the Spirit is LOVE. And brace yourself for some wild theology – LOVE IS AN EMOTION WE EXPERIENCE!!! In fact, did you notice that the first three fruits of the Spirit are all emotions-based: love, peace and joy. Am I talking about a flimsy “only if everything around me makes me happy” kind of emotion? Certainly not. But love, peace and joy from the Father are heartfelt emotions, experienced deep in our spirits. That’s where we can learn to live from, regardless of what is happening around us.<br /><br />How much do we lose sight of this love? We pursue our goals and our dreams, and that may be fine and good. We attempt to reform our society, and that may be fine and good. We want our ministry to be more influential in the sphere around us, and that may be fine and good. EXCEPT when these things become first, and love falls to second. Then we’re in trouble – we have not kept the first thing, first. And His love must always come first, otherwise we will start to use, manipulate and control people, even as sincere and honest believers.<br /><br />Now, especially during this Christmas season, let the reality of the incarnation be made fresh and alive through the eyes of love – that God’s perfect love became flesh, demonstrated in Jesus, in order to show us how to live our lives out of a place of intense and pure love.<br /><br /><em>“I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them, even as you have loved me. I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them.”</em> John 17:23,26<br /><br />Oh, Lord Jesus, help me to learn what You taught and modeled: to be in love with You, and then to love others with that same love You’<span id="SPELLING_ERROR_5" class="blsp-spelling-error">ve</span> shown me.<br /><br />From there, everything else will fall into place. Whether our dreams are fulfilled, or whether they shatter. Whether our expectations of our spouse are met or whether they’re not. Whether our kids succeed, or whether they struggle. Whether our ministry moves forward or whether it shuts down. Whether our “<span id="SPELLING_ERROR_6" class="blsp-spelling-error">giftings</span>” are recognized or whether we’re ignored. His love will become the foundation of our lives and then we’re okay, no matter what happens.<br /><br /><em>“Go after a life of love as if your life depended on it – because it does!”</em><br />—1 Corinthians 14:1 (The Message)<br /><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;"><strong>Live loved. Live in love. Love others.<br /></strong></span>Mariahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14285090805313382135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6970836852078384833.post-64805098910271936642009-11-09T11:07:00.000-08:002009-11-09T11:26:01.701-08:00A fresh touch!<p style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">In the few years now that I’<span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">ve</span> come to know the Lord in an experiential way, I’d like to believe in my hunger for his presence I’<span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">ve</span> been exposed to some mind boggling adventures with God. I tell you there is nothing that I love more than the moment in an encounter with God that surpasses anything you can intellectually comprehend, rationale checks out and you instantly know by the breath of life into your spirit it's Jesus literally touching you and HE is becoming YOUR experience, HE’s becoming YOUR story. It’s surreal. Truly, a holy moment where time stands still, the world fades away and it’s you & your Father embracing. This is “the stuff” that makes my heart skip a beat! </span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;"></span> </p><p style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;"><?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">October 28-30<sup><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">th</span></sup> I was blessed with a chance to chase Jesus over in Baltimore, Maryland. What I experienced at the Voice of the Apostles conference was yet another glorious moment in the supernatural where the Lord placed His hand upon me in new ways and ruined the cozy little box I had built for Him to live inside. You know that Jesus of mine, I love Him dearly but no matter how many times I remodel the size of my box, He simply grows too big to fit inside it…like a St. Bernard staring at Kleenex box pondering “how on earth does she expect me to fit inside there?” The gracious host-in-training that I am, I get to work(subconsiously of course) on a new bigger & better box one after another completely oblivious to my unnecessary laboring. I’m so glad the family bond between Jesus & I is intimate enough that He just lets me know with His gentle, loving [ahem, explosive] touch that my cardboard accommodations are simply inadequate for the size of His glorious presence! So another box was blown to smithereens the other week and I am “wrecked”. IT.IS.GOOD!!</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;"></span> </p><p style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">I found it to be beautiful to have the coherent presence to recognize my spirit leading me to take note of the depth & variety of ways the Lord was showing His face over the course of the 3 days. With six of my all-time favorite Christian mentors(okay, okay, my Jesus Superheroes) gathered together in one place, collectively bringing their supernatural individual <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-error">anointings</span> together for a powerful corporate touch of God was an experience beyond anything words could describe. I’m simply ruined for anything else but Jesus! My heart’s burning desire is my previous sentence be the biography for everyone He sets before me ~ if I'm ruined...then you will be too! :)</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;"></span> </p><p style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;"></span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">As each ‘apostle’ preached the Lord’s presence was released upon the room like different fragrances of the same sweet perfume that just resonated from them. All they did was love one another like an inseparable family to a dimension that I have never witnessed in-real-life because it was a collision of supernatural & natural bonding ~ it looked like heaven. And together they did what they do best, they stood on a stage in front of thousands of people and loved on Jesus, that’s it, they loved Him each in their own way and it was an invitation that He <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-error">wouldn</span>’t refuse! And I sat on the floor beneath this stage like a child just yearning to be touched, hungry to share in the intensity of that fragrance of love… and I did…because He touched me. In three short days Jesus became a physical experience in my life in greater depths than I had known before; I could tangibly FEEL His compassion and I wept like never before; I could FEEL His consuming love for me and I was overwhelmed; I could FEEL His immense power like electricity physically shocking my body and it blew my tiny mind(oh and it hurt); I could FEEL the profound depth of His forgiveness and it melted me into a puddle; I could FEEL His zealously jealous heart in pursuit of more of my love as if I were the only one who could love Him; I could literally FEEL His intoxicating joy as my <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_5" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">Father</span> solidifying my understanding of Him as absolute goodness in its entirety; I could FEEL His hunger to lavish heaven’s riches upon us, His kids, if only we’d awaken to see the gifts sitting before us unopened, unexplored. Some of these experiences were brand new for me and some were intensified from anything I had experienced prior. To receive all that in 3 shorts days is completely exhausting and simultaneously refreshing beyond measure. I was so physically drained and so spiritually charged when I left I thought I might spontaneously <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_6" class="blsp-spelling-error">combust</span>!</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class="MsoNormal"> </p><p style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;"></span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">I tell you friends, if what I've written above doesn't describe your Jesus....there is more, there is so much more!! Hunger for that EXPERIENCE and He will not turn down your invitation! </span></p>Mariahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14285090805313382135noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6970836852078384833.post-85495737281503462762009-10-07T09:19:00.001-07:002009-10-07T09:32:03.770-07:00WordlessI can't seem to find words these days to even begin to describe the journey I'm on with God. Indescribable, but so worthy of sharing! I can however share with you the words I have been hearing from the Lord; <em><span style="font-family:georgia;font-size:180%;color:#ffff33;">risk,</span></em> <strong><span style="color:#ff9900;">bold,</span></strong> <span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:180%;">tenacious,</span> <span style="font-family:arial;font-size:130%;color:#ff0000;"><em>love,</em></span> <span style="color:#ffffff;">blindly. And I can tell you it's left me WORDLESS when I listen and follow!</span><br /><span style="color:#ffffff;"></span><br /><span style="color:#ffffff;">I pray, that when I even catch enough air to formulate words for my own journal, that at some point the Holy Spirit will eloquently wrap up this amazing ride I'm on with the Lord in some form of chapters to present here so I can share all He's doing inside me and around me these days, which have become months, which all seem to me like moments!</span><br /><span style="color:#ffffff;"></span><br /><span style="color:#ffffff;">Today, I found this video that is just another reminder from God...on this ride, I shall not hang onto the beam!! Check it out, it's good stuff!</span><br /><span style="color:#ffffff;"></span><br /><span style="color:#ffffff;">Again, no luck on direct posting so here's the link:</span><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LA_uwWPE6lQ&feature=player_embedded">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LA_uwWPE6lQ&feature=player_embedded</a>Mariahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14285090805313382135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6970836852078384833.post-30361081313040312942009-09-25T06:30:00.000-07:002009-09-25T06:31:51.880-07:00Wow.This moves me, deeply. I can't get it to directly play here, but it's worth watching.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e4NlyZqJhwk&feature=player_embedded">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e4NlyZqJhwk&feature=player_embedded</a>Mariahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14285090805313382135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6970836852078384833.post-58506740253229526772009-09-17T07:02:00.000-07:002009-09-17T07:06:10.924-07:00More often than notThe best things are said by someone else!! :) Oh my how this prayer deeply inspires me! Written by some guy named Scott Smith that I just so happened to be 'lucky enough' to find today!<br /><br />“To those who have been called, who are loved by God the Father and kept by Jesus Christ: Mercy, peace and love be yours in abundance” (Jude 1-2).<br /><br />Glorious <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">Triune</span> God, on this Lord’s Day I’m smitten afresh with gospel-astonishment. As I ponder your immeasurable and irrepressible goodness towards me, and all your people, in Jesus I’m driven to silence and compelled to shout, all at the same time! Truly, you are unrelenting in your attention, lavish in your affections, and extravagant in your provision.<br /><br />You <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">didn</span>’t just invite me to become a Christian, you called me and adopted me as your own child. Now I call you, Abba, Father, as the Holy Spirit continues to free my heart from its orphan-like ways. Thank you Father, that because of the work of Jesus, you will never love me more than you do today and you will never love me less! What wondrous love is this indeed!<br /><br />Lord Jesus, help me to grasp your grasp of me. I am both kept by you and for you. Nothing can pull me from your hand, nor tear me from your heart, Jesus. Many times this seems too good to be true, but it is all the assurance that I need to face the rest of my life, even the next hour.<br /><br />Indeed, Holy Spirit, bring from the throne of grace into my heart and story, an abundance of mercy, for I am a foolish man; peace, for I am a broken man; and love, for I am a selfishness man. Be praised on this Lord’s Day, and every day, O glorious and grace-full God! Very gratefully, Amen!Mariahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14285090805313382135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6970836852078384833.post-62816754827212365672009-09-15T09:45:00.001-07:002009-09-15T09:52:45.585-07:00Some good medicine!I am still by all accounts of eternity known as a babe in diapers inside my walk with Christ, this is not news to me nor probably you. BUT, I will say...I've been around long enough to really start to enjoy some good humor about all-things-Christian! A dry sense of humor with a slice of sarcasm can really make me roll on the floor in delight...so I just absolutely love this site:<br /><br /><a href="http://stufffchristianslike.blogspot.com/">http://stufffchristianslike.blogspot.com/</a><br /><br />Admittedly, it's been on my stalking radar for a really long time...but ya know every time it made the 'random' rotation to be surfed...there was never a picture posted to lure me long enough to read words because naturally I had 999 other blogs that I COULD be checking in on that probably had a doozie of a photo posted! Today, for some reason...I read and I LAUGHED, so I read MORE and my laughter turned into serious belly wigglin gigglin! And that was some GOOD MEDICINE for me today!! So I had to share!Mariahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14285090805313382135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6970836852078384833.post-76859426822827725502009-08-27T13:24:00.000-07:002009-08-27T13:25:27.881-07:00Is it fall in your life?Is it fall in your life? It happens to everyone more than once. It's that time in your life when you work through struggles, encounter an obstacle or get wounded by the events of life.<br /> <br />Fall is that time in life when the leaves fall off, all those things that give color and meaning to life fall away and become meaningless in face of a present difficulty. It is a tough place to be. It is also a good place to be – when everything falls to the ground, you get a chance to see who you really are – the real structure of your life and where changes need to be made. Ask God to give you the courage to see the real structure of your life and where changes need to be made. Jesus is the key. <br /><br /> -Sister Thomasine SchmolkeMariahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14285090805313382135noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6970836852078384833.post-40722595633163329832009-08-10T09:01:00.000-07:002009-08-10T09:03:30.409-07:00InheritanceWow, I just absolutely LOVE THIS, if each one of us would just consume what the Lord is trying to say in these words ~ we'd be so free!<br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/0pxBay2r2SI&hl=en&fs=1&"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/0pxBay2r2SI&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>Mariahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14285090805313382135noreply@blogger.com0