The greatest surprise here is that Donny and I had no interest in going to Rwanda, just as we were joining this trip we learned Rwanda was being added to the criteria and I figured we were just along for the ride. Or were we? I had the mindset that if we were flying all the way over to Africa adding Rwanda to the plan made this trip a 2 for 1 deal for us. Well, even if I had no personal interest in Rwanda or feel any connection I still felt the desire to educate myself about the place so I wasn’t a total fool. (bite your tongues!! ha)
As I began my research only one thing kept surfacing about the country via the internet so Donny and I watched the documentary “Ghosts of Rwanda” to learn all about the genocide that took place in 1994. Ignorantly we had known nothing of this important piece of their history until now. I don’t know if any of you will truly understand how Rwanda impacted us and what we felt there if you have not seen any documentaries about the genocide. I encourage you to check-out Ghosts of Rwanda from your local library or borrow it from me. What we learned from that documentary was devastating; the footage was graphic beyond comprehension, some of the most gruesome deaths you could possibly imagine. It was like watching Satan devour a defenseless country. Seeing piles of bodies along roadsides like litter. Watching babies tortured to death. Rape on a level that death came as relief. Violence we can not relate to. We were numb for quite awhile after watching the brutality of this war where 100 solid days of evil resulted in the deaths of 800,000 – 1 million innocent lives. I thought to myself “14 year have passed, I wonder if we’ll see anything remaining from this genocide or if this is a piece of history that they have moved beyond?” And that is the last thought I pondered about Rwanda many days prior to landing on ground of this secret haven, long before setting my sights upon the thousands of lush green hills and stepping foot onto the powdered red clay. Long before I had any clue what Rwanda had in store for me and my husband.
Kigali, Rwanda ~ one of many hillside views
The genocide memorial
This flame burns every year for during the exact 100 days the genocide occurred as a sign of remembrance. Eerie feeling to be standing there and see that flame burning.
One of several mass graves they have filled. One mass grave is still open as they find more bodies to this day.Our very first stop in Rwanda was the genocide memorial. To say it was an overwhelming experience is a down right injustice of words, but what do you do when there are no words to expressively capture the heaviness, terror, hell, death, mayhem, loss, suffering, brokenness, sorrow, emptiness, heart-ache, courage, miracles, survival, faith, re-building, healing, resilience, forgiveness and grace that I experienced inside the walls of this memorial for 3 hours on the afternoon of July 11, 2008. This memorial being our very first glimpse of Rwanda was a necessary piece of the puzzle to truly learn about the depth of compassion the Lord was trying to teach us. Compassion so deep and huge I thought my heart might jump right out of my chest and literally break into millions of pieces like shattered glass before the eyes of each Rwandan survivor I met. I had no idea how all those words I described would be defined in a tangible form through human lives in the hours that would soon come.
I felt the tears I was silently shedding were an inferior offering to express my empathy. I felt embarrassed and ashamed to be allowed the opportunity to share in this remarkable memorial when I had absolutely no way to fathom what it was like to literally LIVE THIS hell. None-the-less come from the very country that turned their backs and allowed this monstrosity to destroy more than a million lives. To walk through that genocide and look at 4 foot tall laminated photos on display of chubby happy babies, 6 months old -1 year old and read their names, read their favorite hobby was to play with their siblings, read that their favorite food was their mother’s milk, think of my own babies and what their personal descriptions would read and then let my eyes rest upon words such as “bludgeoned and hacked to death by machete”. As I stared into the beautiful photo and let my heart weep just as each child’s own mother did I thought to myself what a disgrace my country decided these lives weren’t worth the effort or the sacrifice to be saved, I couldn’t have ached any deeper than this moment. Oh how our merciful God must have sobbed when none of his people would have compassion for their fellow brothers and sisters in a time that He so desperately needed us to defend the defenseless. I felt stupid for previously thinking and wondering if anything from this genocide would be remaining, thinking14 years is just too long, too long for anything to still “exist” as a remnant of this war. When I looked around and seen crowds of people that were over the age of 14 years…I realized THEY are what remains. Human lives! Arms I could touch, hands I could shake, people I could embrace and look deep into their story telling eyes ~ they “still exist”. Every day they live with the baggage this genocide burdened them to carry. Our very own host Nyanja is one of these lives and she could not bare the pain of entering the memorial nor could our driver so they both sat on a bench outside the building as if they were on autopilot just hoping to survive these 3 hours while we “toured” the greatest terror of their life. 14 years have passed, that’s 5110 days that each face I greeted may have lain their tireless weary heads down to rest at night and been tortured by horrid memories that haunt their souls. I can’t even imagine. Although the country has changed tremendously and I witnessed many beautiful things that have destroyed me and my small life, what I never anticipated was the reality that I’d be meeting survivors whose lives would inspire me so deeply I can’t imagine one moment of my life being the same.
What I experienced in Rwanda was unbelievable, shattered my perception of the human spirit. A country and people that rose up from the depths of Hell on earth and reached for God with desperate arms wide open and is now in a place of beauty and grace restored by a heavenly love, this is the Rwanda I came to know on July 2008. If I had to choose, I’d say forgiveness and healing are the two words that describe my encounter in this phenomenal place. Forgiveness on a level so unbelievable I’m humiliated to say I’ve ever known anything about forgiveness. Forgiveness to the very degree that the bible teaches us to embrace, these people have truly shown me what it means to live out the scripture in Matthew 5: 42-44:
"You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”
I have never witnessed a model more exemplary of this scripture than the numerous lives that changed me while in Rwanda. The feeling of healing is so nurturing that God’s presence is as thick as the morning mist sparkling off the sun’s intense rays. I heard so many miracles of survival, forgiveness and faith that I wandered around in disbelief wondering if I was dreaming and if my own two ears truly heard each story. But to Rwandan people it seems as common place as you and I commuting to work each day so they embrace this humility so great it’s nearly tragic, for I dare to imagine how each of our small lives might grow and our faith might S-R-E-T-C-H if only we had the chance to be inspired by every Rwandan miracle. God’s heart beats with intensity over this country and his precious people. Every one of them that is living today shares a common thread with our God ~ the knowledge that He alone saved their life 14 years ago and his grace is sufficient for each of us. With this insight, they fit perfectly into the definition of “reckless faith”, they’ve abandoned everything they have to give their hearts to God, they cling to Him for dear life, the only place they know they’ll find healing, protection, comfort, warmth, nurture and strength to go on living each day and become more than just “survivors”.
Rwanda is a place that took both Donny and I by surprise, captured our hearts, stole our souls and knocked our socks right off. Our hearts do not beat the same. Our eyes do not see the same. Our ears do not hear the same ~ Rwanda changed us in ways we never imagined possible. God has so many plans for Rwanda and I’m amazed that He brought us all the way across the ocean to this haven of the faithful to share a glimpse of His superior plan and how we might be privileged enough to become a piece of their beautiful puzzle. So it seems we were not “just along for the ride” after all…oh how we are always surprised and amazed by God’s plans for us.
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