The gift of life

Honestly, if I could stop the spinning wheels of this chaotic world for one second to ask, what does the title of this blog mean to you? More importantly what should it mean to each and every one of us?

I’ll tell you a valuable lesson that God taught me in Rwanda and that is “our life is His gift to us”. There are countless gifts He showers over us but no other gift is more precious than this gift of life. I often wonder if *we* realize the cost of this gift?

There’s not a single ounce of doubt in my mind that the people of Rwanda let their heart beat to a song of thankgiving as they celebrate this gift anew each morning; awaking with child-like excitement to set eyes upon the largest present they’ve ever seen perfectly wrapped with the shiniest gold paper and a stunning sparkling bow. They soon give-way to the enthusiasm to dive into this present, yet honor this gift so deeply they meticulously unwrap this personal package with the delicacy and patience of surgeon’s hands in an effort not to waste one moment of the experience. Inside they find they most precious treasure ~ another day to live ~ the gift of life. And just as any parent has experienced the reaction of their own child opening a surprise gift, they turn to our God with their puppy dog eyes, swollen hearts and grateful souls and they weep with blissful appreciation so intense that God can’t help but smile knowing it cost Him everything to give this gift and it was worth the price.

I didn’t go looking for this lesson, I didn’t even know I needed this lesson, but I found this lesson shining brightly through the lives of three of the most amazing people I’ve had the privilege of meeting. God taught me this lesson in living color in Rwanda; the grace, humility, praise, gratitude and honorable awe of God that my eyes seen, my heart felt and my soul danced to inspired me to realize the beautiful simplicity that I too share their same gift yet have failed to celebrate with the same intensity.

All that is an introduction to present to you three of the most inspiring lives I have ever known: Samuel, Nyanja and Josephine (with Nyanja's baby Solomon for extra smiles & giggles). The most beautiful family ever created by God.

These three people are so ordinary they’ve become extraordinary in God’s eyes! They are life teachers, yet they know nothing of this identity they share. God’s miraculous chosen saved by His hand alone and sent to teach the unteachable (like you & I). They live their lives in such a way that I struggle to find words to explain it. I know that is becoming a broken-record motto for me, but simply it’s a fact that witnessing miracles leaves you speechless and every word you try to muster in description seems so minuscule in proportion to the grand emotion and colossal impact of what you encountered. God’s touch will do that to ya time & again.

It’s my honor to share with you the tiniest of details that I know about Sam, Nyanja & Josephine’s lives so that they may touch and inspire you as they did me. It will be an unjust summary as I was not fortunate enough to hear their entire life’s journey ~ God only revealed enough details to inspire me and change me, I hope it’s enough to inspire some of you to recognize the gift of your life.

Josephine is Nyanja’s biological mother. They lived as close friendly neighbors to Sam and his family. Nyanja explained to us time and again how Sam was her very best childhood friend. Pretty common story, nothing out of the ordinary and it’s a story we can easily relate to as we reminisce about our own childhood, neighborhood and life growing up living as a carefree kid. We fast forward now to 1994, Sam and Nyanja were somewhere around the age of 9-10yrs old. I’m wondering if you remember WHY 1994 would be a pivotal turning point in their story? Yes, it was when the genocide occurred. Nyanja’s family and Samuel’s family were both in danger as they were of the cultural background of the Tutsi tribe, the race of people who were the focal point of elimination during this genocide. The story of their innocent childhood turns tragic at this point as they become victims of this evil. I will share each miracle as I know it:

(my absolute favorite photo of Sam as he was lost in another place & time listening to the harmony of worship music rising through the air waves from the revival taking place off in the distance)

Samuel; precious Sam was forced to watch his entire family be brutally, savagely, horribly tortured and murdered. I was told he even witnessed his two sisters being viciously raped and I think I remember that one of his sisters was younger than him…so imagine for a moment what it would be like to be behind the eyes of a 9yr old watching your YOUNGER sister being raped and then your entire family murdered. Absolutely unfathomable. He was saved by the hand of God and although I do not know the specifics, I do know he escaped and ran for refuge to Nyanja’s house. There he was met by Josephine who was also escaping as she had just witnessed the murder of her only son. Together the two of them ran for their life and hid in the forest. To have survived this is a miracle alone as we were informed many people who fled to the forest were met by the terrorists and murdered. The forest was in all essence a trap and inevitably a death sentence. But God had other plans for Josephine and Samuel and somehow he saved the two of them. They survived many weeks, possibly even months hiding in the forest with the looming possibility of their capture or death every minute of every day. No food, no shelter, absolutely nothing to survive on and absolutely no ounce of security but God’s miracle alone saved these two and kept them alive for all those hours, days, weeks and months and they emerged from the forest as survivors.

Nyanja was at her grandmother’s house spending her summer vacation from school with grandma when the genocide began. Nyanja remembers the next door neighbor coming over to her grandma’s house, who was a close friend of theirs and informing Nyanja’s grandma & uncle (whom also lived there) that he seen the mob coming down the street. Knowing that they were of different ethnic backgrounds he feared for their safety and warned them: “When the mob gets to my house, they will force me to participate or they will kill my family ~ I have no choice we will be back to kill you all within minutes” and he left them with that warning. I find this portion of their story to be a great insight into the depths of the evil that was reeking havoc throughout Rwanda. Many people didn’t want to participate in this terror but because of ethnicity you had to join one side or the other, kill or be killed. Immediately Nyanja, her grandmother and her uncle fled for their lives. They were in reasonable proximity of the airport and they knew the UN had taken the airport over so it was a place they could seek refuge. So they ran and cut through the fence of the airport and their lives were saved. They were told their entire families were murdered and they were the only survivors. They eventually were sent to a refugee camp in Kenya where the conditions were apparently quite horrible. Nyanja was abused regularly and her grandmother eventually died in that camp from the harsh conditions they were trying to survive in. Nyanja’s uncle then somehow managed to get her to the United States after living in the putrid camp for a couple years. Eventually Nyanja was taken in by an American family and I believe adopted. This family began the long painful process of trying to heal her wounds and they helped Nyanja blossom into a beautiful strong young woman.

After the genocide was over and Rwanda was in ruins. It was obvious many lives were devastated and people were left with no where to go. Samuel had nothing to come home to, his family was gone, his world completely destroyed and he was an orphan. He spent some time on the streets and was later taken in by his extended relatives, an aunt & uncle to whom I believe moved into his family’s home. Josephine came home with the knowledge that all her family had been murdered as well, except her husband (who had been out of the country for work). She witnessed the murder of her own son, she was told her mother and daughter and brother were also among the countless victims of this tragedy. So a broken mother & father who lost their children tried to begin to put their life back together and within time became pregnant again. One would think this is where the story makes a turn and ends in some happy hallmark moment but it doesn’t it takes another turn for the worse. Samuel’s aunt & uncle become jealous of Josephine & her husband, their belongings and apparent wealth and they falsely accuse them both of participating in the genocide so they could take over their amenities. The authority’s policy at that point in the country was to incarcerate all who were accused and each person would have to wait for a trial to prove their innocence. Josephine and her husband would have to wait 13 YEARS for that opportunity to arise. God had not turned his back on his faithful children, his plans were still at work in their lives although many years had passed with them again suffering immensely and facing impossible odds a miracle unfolds.

Ten years after Nyanja had been gone from Rwanda an opportunity arose that she would return to her country of origin, her beautiful home land and see it for the first time after all the torture, blood, murder and mayhem that she left behind was long over. After spending many years of her life despising Rwanda she was now at a place of healing where she had gained the courage to embrace this opportunity. While in Rwanda she caught a glimpse of a young boy walking on the sidewalk and demanded the child looked exactly like her. It was absolutely eerie and haunting to Nyanja to see with her own eyes the similarities between the boy’s face and her own features so she persisted in taking a picture of him as their car zoomed by ~ essentially a face in the crowd. I’m missing some amazing pieces of this puzzle but we’ll fast forward to the details I do have. The miracle that began to unfold through this single photograph was that Nyanja learned she had a younger brother, and thus learned her parents were ALIVE. (could you imagine the surreal nature of shock after 10 years of mourning the loss of your parents you learn they are alive and you have a sibling!!) She eventually seeks her parents out while they are imprisoned and their first reunion occurs. What a bittersweet and simultaneously hard experience to be gifted. Prison in Rwanda is not an easy place to survive and although Nyanja was seeing her parents for the first time in 10 years they were almost unrecognizable because of how hard their life of incarceration had been on them. Nyanja struggled quite a bit at this point in her journey. Her parents were alive (barely) and living a tortured life in prison unjustly accused. During this time of reunion for Nyanja something else miraculous was unfolding; Samuel had also sought out a reunion with Nyanja’s parents. He reconciled with them begging for forgiveness for the actions of his aunt & uncle and graciously Josephine and her husband assured him they held no ill feelings towards Sam at all. After 13 years of imprisonment they had their day in court, Samuel testified on their behalf exposing the dirty secrets of his “family’s” actions and Josephine and her husband were set FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Samuel’s family immediately disowned him and Josephine welcomed him to became a part of their family. So he was Nyanja's best friend and now is her brother. How beautiful is that! Only God can do that!

We were gifted an opportunity to meet these amazing lives within the first year of their freedom and reunion ~ how miraculous is that for each of us to experience! I remember Nyanja sharing with us they would be celebrating her mother’s FIRST birthday (of her new life) soon. May GOD BLESS her new life and may we all celebrate the gift of life He has given us, I couldn’t imagine a more precious present for her to receive.

Our last evening spent with this family is one I’ll never forget for multiple reasons. God always seems to have ways of demolishing my little mind and exploding my heart in grand proportion! I sat next to Samuel as we ate dinner and when we finished he passed around a small notebook in which he wanted all of us to share our contact information. As I wrote our names into his book he immediately glanced at me in a way that pierced my soul asking me to say my name. So I did, and he shared with me Maria was his mother’s name and he opened up to me sharing that he had two sisters too. This was the very first time I had ever heard Sam speak of his family or his private life, and the smile on his face and the joy in his eyes could have blinded me. To have the opportunity to be present in this moment with him as he reminisced in fond memory of his family, because my name struck a chord in his heart, gifted me a beautiful moment in time where I seen a young man drift back to the innocence of his childhood before it was stolen from him. What an incredible gift the Lord granted me, how could I have been so blessed to simply be me at that moment. Nyanja even approached a group of us quite a few minutes later asking whose name was “Maria”, I confessed it was me and she pulled me aside to share Sam just could not get over the phenomenon that “Maria” was sent here to meet him. She said he felt it was a message for him from God. How could I not be humbled to tears in this moment? We prayed for their family and prepared to part ways. We said our final goodbyes to Nyanja, Samuel & Josephine and in this moment is when I actually learned of Josephine’s name for the first time as I had only known her these 3 days as “Nyanja’s mom”…as I was nearly one of the last to hug Josephine and she learned my name was Maria, she embraced me and whispered in my ear “my name is Josephine, please don’t forget me.”………..this is where I have to end…….


........because there are just no words ~ only tears.

Thank you God for this gift of life, mine is forever changed and truly cherished. Thank you for the valuable lesson ~ I couldn't possibly EVER forget.

Rwanda Reborn

How does one truly begin to tell the story of Rwanda. It’s a story so multi-faceted I could release a series of books just on what I shared in the 3 days God gifted me the pleasure of experiencing Rwanda.

The greatest surprise here is that Donny and I had no interest in going to Rwanda, just as we were joining this trip we learned Rwanda was being added to the criteria and I figured we were just along for the ride. Or were we? I had the mindset that if we were flying all the way over to Africa adding Rwanda to the plan made this trip a 2 for 1 deal for us. Well, even if I had no personal interest in Rwanda or feel any connection I still felt the desire to educate myself about the place so I wasn’t a total fool. (bite your tongues!! ha)

As I began my research only one thing kept surfacing about the country via the internet so Donny and I watched the documentary “Ghosts of Rwanda” to learn all about the genocide that took place in 1994. Ignorantly we had known nothing of this important piece of their history until now. I don’t know if any of you will truly understand how Rwanda impacted us and what we felt there if you have not seen any documentaries about the genocide. I encourage you to check-out Ghosts of Rwanda from your local library or borrow it from me. What we learned from that documentary was devastating; the footage was graphic beyond comprehension, some of the most gruesome deaths you could possibly imagine. It was like watching Satan devour a defenseless country. Seeing piles of bodies along roadsides like litter. Watching babies tortured to death. Rape on a level that death came as relief. Violence we can not relate to. We were numb for quite awhile after watching the brutality of this war where 100 solid days of evil resulted in the deaths of 800,000 – 1 million innocent lives. I thought to myself “14 year have passed, I wonder if we’ll see anything remaining from this genocide or if this is a piece of history that they have moved beyond?” And that is the last thought I pondered about Rwanda many days prior to landing on ground of this secret haven, long before setting my sights upon the thousands of lush green hills and stepping foot onto the powdered red clay. Long before I had any clue what Rwanda had in store for me and my husband.

Kigali, Rwanda ~ one of many hillside views

The genocide memorial

This flame burns every year for during the exact 100 days the genocide occurred as a sign of remembrance. Eerie feeling to be standing there and see that flame burning.

One of several mass graves they have filled. One mass grave is still open as they find more bodies to this day.


Our very first stop in Rwanda was the genocide memorial. To say it was an overwhelming experience is a down right injustice of words, but what do you do when there are no words to expressively capture the heaviness, terror, hell, death, mayhem, loss, suffering, brokenness, sorrow, emptiness, heart-ache, courage, miracles, survival, faith, re-building, healing, resilience, forgiveness and grace that I experienced inside the walls of this memorial for 3 hours on the afternoon of July 11, 2008. This memorial being our very first glimpse of Rwanda was a necessary piece of the puzzle to truly learn about the depth of compassion the Lord was trying to teach us. Compassion so deep and huge I thought my heart might jump right out of my chest and literally break into millions of pieces like shattered glass before the eyes of each Rwandan survivor I met. I had no idea how all those words I described would be defined in a tangible form through human lives in the hours that would soon come.

I felt the tears I was silently shedding were an inferior offering to express my empathy. I felt embarrassed and ashamed to be allowed the opportunity to share in this remarkable memorial when I had absolutely no way to fathom what it was like to literally LIVE THIS hell. None-the-less come from the very country that turned their backs and allowed this monstrosity to destroy more than a million lives. To walk through that genocide and look at 4 foot tall laminated photos on display of chubby happy babies, 6 months old -1 year old and read their names, read their favorite hobby was to play with their siblings, read that their favorite food was their mother’s milk, think of my own babies and what their personal descriptions would read and then let my eyes rest upon words such as “bludgeoned and hacked to death by machete”. As I stared into the beautiful photo and let my heart weep just as each child’s own mother did I thought to myself what a disgrace my country decided these lives weren’t worth the effort or the sacrifice to be saved, I couldn’t have ached any deeper than this moment. Oh how our merciful God must have sobbed when none of his people would have compassion for their fellow brothers and sisters in a time that He so desperately needed us to defend the defenseless. I felt stupid for previously thinking and wondering if anything from this genocide would be remaining, thinking14 years is just too long, too long for anything to still “exist” as a remnant of this war. When I looked around and seen crowds of people that were over the age of 14 years…I realized THEY are what remains. Human lives! Arms I could touch, hands I could shake, people I could embrace and look deep into their story telling eyes ~ they “still exist”. Every day they live with the baggage this genocide burdened them to carry. Our very own host Nyanja is one of these lives and she could not bare the pain of entering the memorial nor could our driver so they both sat on a bench outside the building as if they were on autopilot just hoping to survive these 3 hours while we “toured” the greatest terror of their life. 14 years have passed, that’s 5110 days that each face I greeted may have lain their tireless weary heads down to rest at night and been tortured by horrid memories that haunt their souls. I can’t even imagine. Although the country has changed tremendously and I witnessed many beautiful things that have destroyed me and my small life, what I never anticipated was the reality that I’d be meeting survivors whose lives would inspire me so deeply I can’t imagine one moment of my life being the same.

What I experienced in Rwanda was unbelievable, shattered my perception of the human spirit. A country and people that rose up from the depths of Hell on earth and reached for God with desperate arms wide open and is now in a place of beauty and grace restored by a heavenly love, this is the Rwanda I came to know on July 2008. If I had to choose, I’d say forgiveness and healing are the two words that describe my encounter in this phenomenal place. Forgiveness on a level so unbelievable I’m humiliated to say I’ve ever known anything about forgiveness. Forgiveness to the very degree that the bible teaches us to embrace, these people have truly shown me what it means to live out the scripture in Matthew 5: 42-44:

"You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”

I have never witnessed a model more exemplary of this scripture than the numerous lives that changed me while in Rwanda. The feeling of healing is so nurturing that God’s presence is as thick as the morning mist sparkling off the sun’s intense rays. I heard so many miracles of survival, forgiveness and faith that I wandered around in disbelief wondering if I was dreaming and if my own two ears truly heard each story. But to Rwandan people it seems as common place as you and I commuting to work each day so they embrace this humility so great it’s nearly tragic, for I dare to imagine how each of our small lives might grow and our faith might S-R-E-T-C-H if only we had the chance to be inspired by every Rwandan miracle. God’s heart beats with intensity over this country and his precious people. Every one of them that is living today shares a common thread with our God ~ the knowledge that He alone saved their life 14 years ago and his grace is sufficient for each of us. With this insight, they fit perfectly into the definition of “reckless faith”, they’ve abandoned everything they have to give their hearts to God, they cling to Him for dear life, the only place they know they’ll find healing, protection, comfort, warmth, nurture and strength to go on living each day and become more than just “survivors”.

Rwanda is a place that took both Donny and I by surprise, captured our hearts, stole our souls and knocked our socks right off. Our hearts do not beat the same. Our eyes do not see the same. Our ears do not hear the same ~ Rwanda changed us in ways we never imagined possible. God has so many plans for Rwanda and I’m amazed that He brought us all the way across the ocean to this haven of the faithful to share a glimpse of His superior plan and how we might be privileged enough to become a piece of their beautiful puzzle. So it seems we were not “just along for the ride” after all…oh how we are always surprised and amazed by God’s plans for us.

Reckless Faith

I just love this story, as it reminds me of exactly how God shows His face to me ~ even when I have "mustard seed faith" He comes through in all His glory to shower my life with grace. I can testify to the beauty of having child-like faith and what amazing things God will do when He knows you have abandoned your own plans and rely solely on Him to guide you.

What I have grown to love is how God uses children to teach us all how to have that child-like faith He desires in each of our hearts. I have learned so many things from the children I have encountered during my faith journey and over the course of the past month. I have no doubt that God uses these innocent souls as vessels to show the blind how to see and the deaf how to hear.

Yet again, I learned a lesson from a tiny little resource and so this time, I'd like to share it with you all!


Reckless Faith - Beth Guckenberger - Joel's Story

A Glimmer

Just when things seem to be overloading my plate, God reveals His wisdom, support, love and never faltering encouragement to me in ways that only He can do! It is so beautiful to be dripping wet, showered by a love so great nothing can compare. For the first time since returning home from our trip (yes, that's 30+ days) I was able to sleep without being interrupted by a crying baby every half hour. My lil boo-bear only woke up every 3 hours last night, which in my sleep deprived mind compares to a solid night's sleep. Today I feel like the haze of exhaustion might begin to lift. It was the blessing I truly needed more than words can express!!

On top of all that God revealed words of encouragement to me last night through the pages of the book I'm reading. At a time where I have been desperately crying out to him for relief from this SEVERE sleep deprivation, financial darkness and overwhelming exhaustion being taxed by everyday garbage that seems so meaningless...He responded just when I needed Him to. I had been questioning why all this was happening and distracting us when both Donny and I are simply trying to press in closer to God, share His miracles and find our solid footing on this faith journey so we may keep trucking along as good servants. I wanted to know why God couldn't help us out a bit to make this journey a wee-bit easier. Surely God knows it's kind of hard to think, be inspired and share His message in an articulate way when you haven't slept in 30 days. Everything becomes a struggle when you haven't slept in 30 days...seriously I didn't think the human body could function without sleep that long, but somehow a certain 9 month old wouldn't let me choose otherwise...although my engines were surely shutting down. I simply didn't understand "why" I was struggling with so many things and trying to compute all this on strained brain cells and then last night I read these words:

"The more immersed in God you become, the less of a grip "normal" life has on you. Circumstances throw themselves against you, but you remain unmoved. When you are deep in God's river, even the tragedies and struggles of life that inevitably come only force you deeper into Him"

AMEN ~ thank you Lord for teaching me yet again with your miraculous words!! I will hang on tighter to you!!

I'm feeling the inspiration to blog finding it's way back, there's a glimmer of light in the darkness and soon the shadow will pass and Rwanda will come pouring out of my soul like a tsunami!

Stuck.

Sorry for the sudden lapse on my journey down the breath-taking one laned streets of my African memory lane. The to-do's of every day American life seem to be drowning me these days. I'm finding it harder and harder to have a moment to get back to that place ~ that place that Africa birthed inside my Jesus lovin heart. What's even worse is that I find myself detesting myself for losing this balance I promised I would perfectly master. I thought it would be easy to have my African heart and my American heart and the two could coincide in harmony, but it only seems one can beat at a time these days. It's painful to realize you're losing your grasp on something so pure, something so huge that your little life has imploded from the impact.

It tortures my soul that the memories are fading from their vibrant status in the foreground of my eye's wide angle lens to a disgruntled 2nd place behind the distorted glare of bifocal glasses. It's consuming my energy to focus on the very things that don't deserve to devour my attention; sleep deprivation, attachment disorder chaos, money, appt's, grocery shopping, bills, chores, this, that and the other thing. I find myself feeling failed when I so easily get overwhelmed by the very things that shouldn't control my life.

Transitioning back into this world of waste, vanity, immorality, luxury, ridiculous wealth and unappreciated privilege is apparently harder than I imagined. I yearn for simplicity, beauty, generosity, rich spirits, thirst quenching faith, soulful hospitality and the freedom in poverty. It seems so very long ago that my feet touched the powdered red clay of African soil. I think I could be tired of grieving over the pieces of me I left in Africa settling on the fact that my puzzle will never be complete again. I'm afraid my brain is powering down and the screen saver is getting more air time these days, or someone could have even tripped on the cord and pulled the plug right out of the wall for all I know. I refuse to begin blogging about Rwanda until I can mentally go back to Africa with red-hot intensity, passion, love, faith and all the emotions I can't even name. I'm looking for the peace and strength to open my heart and reveal the Rwandan treasures hiding in there, they are so precious the radiant glow might hurt your eyes! I won't write one word until I can smell the fresh honey flavored flowers that filled the African air. I can't find a way to form sentences until my eyes can see the mist rising off the thousands of lush green hills on a perfect morning in Kigali, Rwanda sitting on a small wooden chair soakin in every ounce of loveliness that surrounds me. I'm sorry but I can't go back yet not until I find that grace only God can send to my fingertips so...I'm stuck, without words...please bare with me as I'm hoping whoever pulled the plug on my power supply will come back and restore the connection soon! It's pathetic sitting here in the dark ~ afraid of forgetting what it looks like in the light.

Soon, something's gotta give soon.

The wheels keep turning

So back on the bus I went from what was obviously an earth shattering moment. I can't even describe truly what I was feeling, thinking or doing. It was so surreal to me and I just kind of plopped down in my seat stunned by the intensity of this "high" I was feeling.

I can't remember the exact sequence of events but I'm going to share as I think I remember the order of what took place next. As I was sitting on the bus, Simon came back to sit next to me and shared that he was happy that I embraced the opportunity to pray for the deformed man and he told me the night before he had a vision that he should pray for a crippled man and he thought he had missed his chance because he had seen a crippled man earlier from the bus, much like my initial reaction, the Spirit moved him at a moment when he felt he couldn't respond. He was bummed he thought he missed his opportunity to act upon God's will and while we were in conversation about this Amanda yelled out to Simon from the front of the bus telling us to look out the window ~ as we all glanced out the left side of the bus this is the sight that our eyes fell upon:

Here Simon was blessed with a 2nd chance to fulfill that deep calling to pray for a crippled man. I still had not truly calmed all the energy flowing through me like electricity so I immediately wanted to jump off the bus and go with Simon to pray for this man. Here we were stuck in the middle of absolute chaos, which is also known as Ethiopian rush hour; Simon was trying to figure out if he could just jump off the bus and run and Akim was trying his best to just keep Simon on the bus. Well Simon went for it and I followed right on his heels, we ran through the stalled traffic to reach this man and knelt down to pray for him. The intensity was growing each time one of these moments presented itself. The tingling in my hands was nearly unbearable by this time, I prayed silently to myself begging the Lord to heal this man and Simon showered this man in his beautiful prayers. There was an obvious language barrier between us but the man just rocked back & forth quietly mumbling with his crippled hands folded up to form the shape of a cup to accept whatever donations he might receive as his only means of survival. He had some coins (which equal less than pennies in the US) in his hands and so Simon blessed him with some money after we prayed. Language barrier or not, it was obvious we connected with this man. He felt our sincerity, he seen our hearts and God touched us all in one shared moment, there was no need for words.

So here we were in the heart of the city, the chaos, the people and life in Addis Ababa was truly surrounding us on all sides! We crossed the street in an attempt to find the bus and I realized I was completely and totally lost!! I had no clue which way our bus even went after we leaped off ~ that was a "minor" detail I forgot to pay attention to!! The sidewalks were jammed with busy people hurrying along in 100 different directions, there was no order just pure chaos and I've never felt more alive in my life! I honestly didn't care where the bus was, I didn't care if we stayed lost for hours on the street! I felt right at home and I was excited to just wander seeking out God's chosen so I could pray my little heart out until I had nothing left to pour out of my soul. This was it ~ this is what I was made for, this is why I was here, just wandering aimlessly lost on the street seeking out 'the least of these' fit my heart & soul like a perfect glove. I was enthralled to be in the middle of Addis, immersed deep in the culture, surrounded by God's loving hands. My energy level and excitement was nearly explosive as my mind raced and my eyes danced along the streets for faces to connect with and in the blink of an eye there was Akim jumping right in Simon's view calling us back to the bus. So that was it, my time on the streets was over before it even began...back on the bus I went and home to the guest house.

After we returned to the guest home we all changed and got ready to go out for a traditional Ethiopian meal. That was a grand experience and a nice way to even out the heaviness of all the despair that filled our eyes and hearts each day. The restaurant was beautiful, elegance Ethiopian style is so enriching. I'm not a fan of the food so I'll skip that review but I will elaborate on the amazing dancers and entertainment! These people can do things with their body that are fit for the Guinness Book! And as always ~ their natural ability for rhythm puts our "white skills" to shame! For the first time on this trip I understood Amanda's policy of stating there was to be "no fraternizing with the locals". Initially I thought this was an absurd point to have to make for a missionary group, shouldn't that go without saying? Plus, I was married so that rule didn't truly affect me anyway since I kinda lived by that vow already but something happened when those dancers filed out onto the stage and this handsome fellow with a larger than life perfect smile kept flashing his beautiful brown eyes at me like a professional flirt ~ I had to confess to Donny I was finding myself in the midst of an Ethiopian CRUSH! :) Oh my these dancers were breathtakingly gorgeous, the men and the women both...Ethiopian genes are like the grand prize winners for being easy on the eyes! Add in their never-ending hospitality doused in charm so thick it wraps you in a blanket of goose bumps and you'll find yourself smack dab in the middle of an embarrassing CRUSH too! I felt like I was drooling over some teen heart-throb at a pop concert! But these Ethiopians have a way of doing that to ya when you'd least expect it! Luckily for me, Donny had to agree they were very gorgeous people so I'm thinking he might have had a crush of his own budding! ha ha! I even took a wonderful video of their dancing skills and of course my "hunk" to show off, but just as I was entranced by his amazing dance some white kid I know named SIMON jumped right on the stage to give his best shot at a traditional style dance-off?! This very Simon also swore us not to leak the video on the web...so I can't even show off my footage unless I get a release from Simon!

And that was our first 2 days in Ethiopia! Only took me 3 weeks to share! Next up is Rwanda ~ hold onto your seats my friends, the ride get more intense with altitude!!

What happens when the bus stops?

This picture is just a typical visual of a standard sight in Ethiopia, every street corner, every sidewalk, every dirt road, every spare opening you'll see many people just trying to survive off the few coins they might earn offering a shoe shining service. I include this picture to just help give a visual representation of a situation I will share in this post because I do not have a photo of this very special memory I'm sharing today.

In preparation for this trip there were a few standout scripture passages that seemed to find me in various ways on multiple occasions. One that sparked my interest immediately from first glance was Matthew 25:40 when Jesus says:

“Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me-you did it to me.”

I found these words deeply inspiring yet I had absolutely no clue how these red letters of Jesus Christ himself would impact my little life like a tidal wave engulfing a sandcastle until many days later.

So I find myself obsessively reminiscing about the day on the bus riding home from the donkey excursion. Having just encountered something magnificently powerful praying for a beautiful woman, I sat silently in my seat gazing out the window trying to imagine what I just witnessed and consume the intensity of what I just felt. As we’re cruising along at what I guess to be a very bumpy 60mph, this one single man catches my attention out of the corner of my eye in a momentary glance. When I reference “caught my attention” I mean it in a fashion that something physical stirred inside my heart and in that moment of a simple blink of my eye where he managed to squeeze into my view, I felt this deep longing to connect with this man. As quickly as I seen him the moment passed and I felt helpless ~ I thought to myself instantly how do I attempt to reach this man from the inside of a speeding bus?!? We’re zooming on by; he’s just a face in the crowd! I kind of thought this one is a little beyond my means, I don’t know what I'm supposed to do?!? Before we even reached a mile beyond this man who was sitting on his shoe shining crate nestled in a crowd of 8-10 shoe shiners, the thought came and went and I figured it was just a missed opportunity beyond my control. WELL… that’s when the bus began to slow down…actually we kind of abruptly stopped and began to reverse. I wondered what on earth the driver was doing and simultaneously I *knew* this was my 2nd chance to do something about the man “outside the window”. The bus began to back up into this gas station, so it appeared to me we were stopping for gas(which is not a quick process) ~ what a divine appointment the Lord had granted me so I could fulfill His plan. As we were slowing I peeked out the window to keep my eye on this man waiting for the bus to finally stop.

This man was no ordinary man, he was incredibly special. This was a man whom I would have never in my lifetime had the courage nor the strength to even look in the face in my “prior life”. If I had met this man walking on the streets of Little Falls just a mere 6 weeks prior to this day ~ July 9, 2008, I would have probably become physically uncomfortable to the point of illness. If I had met this man on the street, I would not have been able to stomach looking at him because I am so weak in the face of deformities, open sores, bleeding, ect. I simply can not handle these things ~ they make me faint. But here, on this day, at the very instant I laid eyes upon this man, a man who had no smile, no lips, who’s skin had deteriorated away graphically exposing his gums, bones and teeth of his jaw line; A man who’s pain and suffering was evident on a very visible level; A man’s face that was not an easy sight to take in; This was the man that I felt an instant connection to. The connection that lured me to him was the same type of energy flowing through me before to prompt my attention and spark a reaction but there was another feeling that flooded through me at the very same moments and that was a deep feeling of love connecting to this man. Where was this coming from?!? Anyone who knows me, understands how this could only be a supernatural, miraculous event unfolding; Firstly because I’m incapable of freely “showing love and affection” to my very own loved ones. I have a very reserved and some might say “cold” heart, so it is unbelievable that a stranger could spark this deep of a drive in me in an instant. Secondly, my physical limitations surrounding blood, sores, open wounds and the like are enough to shut the lights out on Maria’s top floor. This alone proves I was literally incapable of doing this by my own free will and of my own power! When the bus stopped I knew I couldn’t miss this opportunity for anything so I immediately asked Amanda if *we* could get off the bus for just a few moments to pray for someone. Of course she agreed, I looked at her and said “so who wants to come along?” Because I was truly horrified of praying for this man, I longed so deeply to touch him and pray for him yet I was sooo incredibly intimidated by having to actually PRAY for him. She quickly said “no one else, just you, I will go too and Hannah will come to translate”…oh the nerves at this point could have shaken my bladder EMPTY ~ if you know what I’m saying!!

So we walked up to the man and at this moment of connecting with his eyes I no longer felt the intense fear and nerves yet my body was trembling like I had the severest case of hypothermia you’d ever seen. Thank goodness Amanda was with to help guide me along or I would’ve been lost in this moment for eternity. She advised me to seek his shoe-shining services and pray for him while he shined my shoes so that we wouldn’t create an all out spectacle. I thought that was a perfect idea! So I sat my quivering body down upon his withered, crooked little wooden crate for a seat while trying to contain my leg convulsions from scaring these poor people to death. I thought how on earth can he shine my shoes if he can’t even catch my feet?! We asked if I could pray for him and I told Amanda I needed to hold his hand. So imagine me sitting, nearly convulsing from head to toe, this man in front of me kneeling on the ground next to my feet looking up at me while I’m looking down to him. The instant he lifted his hand up to connect with my extended hand awaiting his like inviting a hand shake something indescribable occurred inside of me, outside of me, through me, surrounding me….a love so deep the word LOVE does not do justice started manifesting and pouring out in a completely silent, personal connection between us yet undeniably evident in a physical presence surrounding us. It was as if only the two of us existed in a different realm. I held this man’s hand and caressed the back of his hand while attempting to begin a prayer for him. It was almost instantaneous upon sitting on his chair that we engaged in this unbreakable gaze. The connection so deep it was as though there was no limit to how far you could see inside of these eyes, through his soul and beyond into something heavenly. I was awestruck by this powerful movement of love engulfing the both of us that I was nearly speechless and dumbfounded. I remember I was supposed to be praying so I began by telling this man that Jesus wanted to heal him, it was the first thing on my mind. Obviously, this man needed healing in a physical way, but by the second time these words rolled off my tongue I felt that this man needed a much deeper healing. He needed healing of his heart, his soul and his spirit, it was crying out to me and I recognized the same cry from my own heart and spirit when trapped in a similar darkness not all too long ago. I think I told the man Jesus wanted to heal him a couple times, I told him that Jesus didn’t want him to feel pain. Then I was lost in the intensity of this interaction between us and there was silence for a bit. These eyes that were looking at me were not just eyes, I can’t even find words to describe it. I could simultaneously feel the depth of this man’s unbreakable stare into my eyes as I was returning the same intense gaze into his eyes. Then I mumbled the words that would shatter my world, my soul, my heart and my human knowledge of the power of love…somewhere from inside of me I felt compelled to tell this man how much Jesus loved him. I said it to him as if it was the first time I had ever heard it, or felt it or shared in it. I repeated myself a couple times and then I was moved to share with him the biggest gift he needed to know…Jesus thought he was beautiful. He WAS, he IS, you are and I am ~ WE ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL. The most unlikely candidate held the highest honor of beauty beholding my eyes on that day, in that moment, from inside my heart channeled through my soul into my eyes...I seen his beauty. Plain and simple the purity of his beauty captivated me. Every time I remember these moments when I said these words I lose my composure and I weep like a baby because this was soo incredibly deep and real. This experience was supernatural and well beyond anything I could have done on my own and I longed so desperately in this moment for this man to know how truly beautiful he was and how he was touching my life, changing my life. By this time I couldn’t see anything of this man’s face but his eyes, that’s all I can truly, vividly, remember of this encounter ~ his eyes were the most extraordinary eyes I have ever seen. No words of beauty describe the depth ~ no words at all can do justice to this man. I was lost inside this gaze between us, I sat silently not knowing what to say or pray, mezmerized by the intensity of what was surrounding me. As this man was staring into my eyes I remember a momentary thought where I secretly cried out in my own heart “God, let him see you ~ please if he can see anything in this moment through my eyes ~ let him see YOU.” and I continued to be enamored by this young man’s stare, the intensity of our connection and when the silent pause became too long Amanda gently encouraged me to end my prayer and let him shine my shoes. Although I NEVER, EVER wanted to break away from the stare I held with this man and never wanted to stop holding his hand and feeling this love, I knew I should end my prayer because I wasn’t even saying words anymore…so I said Amen and I sat there in a drunken status from the love I just encountered while this man shined my muddy, cheap, half-plastic ,donkey riding, insignificant, Walmart shoes completely oblivious to what kind of miracle just unfolded before me. We paid the man for his services and went on our way back to the bus, this entire encounter maybe lasted 5 minutes at the most but in my mind it feels more like weeks and days, time is so unnecessary and incapable of labeling how LONG and how DEEP this experience was.

It’s when I came home and began to reflect upon this encounter that the full impact of the miracle started to reveal itself to me. There’s a very good reason these eyes haunt me, in my dreams, behind my eyelids when I blink, I can not forget these eyes and I would NEVER EVER want to. Every moment a memory of my encounter with those piercing eyes finds me, I’m overwhelmed with emotion and I weep instantly. I sob because of the beauty, the warmth, the compassion, the grace and the intensity of the love I felt at that moment. That very same love I can feel by simply reminiscing about my experience. It’s right there, so vivid I can tap into that emotional water fountain nearly any second of the day and feel the overwhelming sensation flood through me. It’s when I came home and seen that very same scripture that a divine revelation occurred in my soul: Matthew 25:40:

“Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me-you did it to me.”

The Spirit prompted me to know beyond doubt that man was very special. I jumped off that bus hostage of my own nerves thinking I had something to offer that man with my prayers, knowing I couldn't miss this moment a second time. I thought *I* could do something to heal his heart and share Jesus with him but what I know now is that even if God was using me for His glory to show this man the depth of supernatural love, the surprise is that He was using this man to show love to me! This grungy, dirty, poor, deformed, overlooked and ignored man was my gift of beauty. God wanted to show ME the power of His supernatural love. Why those eyes haunt me so deeply is because that was Jesus looking back at me from inside those dreamlike entrancing brown eyes. I believe with all my soul:

I. seen. Jesus.

When he showed me his face and gazed at me with eyes of a love so intense it pierced my soul I learned so much about our Lord from experiencing Him in living color. His beauty is blinding; His love is mesmerizing; His touch is addicting; His power will melt you. The simplicity of His plan for each of us is brilliantly perfect. I can not believe how miraculous these 5 minutes of my life were: because I stopped for the one. A sentence like this from Heidi Bakers book about God’s love: “He knows how to love His beloved until they feel loved.” rings in my ears like bells from heaven ~ YES! YES! He truly does know just how to reach each of us if we simply let Him. I recognized something in this stranger through the bus window ~ it only took an instant for me to *know* we shared the same pain inside our heart, the same hopelessness without Jesus, so I jumped at the chance to share that very love and hope I had found and knew this man deeply deserved. Because I stopped for the one Jesus showed his face to me and blew my tiny world apart like an atom bomb. My perception and reality of this life have been shattered. I have been destroyed, unraveled and completely UNDONE by the love of Jesus Christ our indescribably merciful Savior. As if that wasn’t enough to consume me another scripture found it’s way to me to reveal even more symbolism in this miraculous encounter:
John 13: Jesus washes His disciples feet:

“When He had finished washing their feet, He put on his clothes and returned to His place.

Do you understand what I have done for you?" He asked them.
I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you.”

I am overcome by humility in realizing it was Jesus that washed my feet that day and it was Jesus who truly stopped for the one ~ that one was me. How could I not be changed for the rest of my life from this gift.

To be present in a moment where Jesus manifests in a physical way deep enough to change the lives of two strangers who were destined to meet on a dirt street in Ethiopia on an ordinary day July 9, 2008 is all the proof I’ll ever need to know that Jesus is truly more than enough for me and I will never let Him go.

The Bus Ride of a Lifetime

After the donkey experience we used the facilities (and I use that term loosely) at this restaurant/resort to attempt to wash off some of the donkey aftermath before we were going to board the bus for the hour journey back to the guest home. While at this resort we decided there was enough time to experience a traditional Ethiopian coffee ceremony so we gathered inside one of the beautiful little huts filled to the brim with incense smoke to enjoy some famously STRONG gravy thick coffee (I could not participate due to the lovely coffee allergy I have, but Donny indulged his rookie taste buds in a potent caffine overload). Here are some photos from inside the coffee hut.




All the proof you need of God's presence inside this mud/cement hut is in the photo below ~ absolutely stunning photography captured by Mike our resident hot shot behind the camera! I call this one "God's glow"


While we were enjoying the coffee Amanda asked our host Hannah if we might be able to pray over the girl who was preparing our coffee(pictured in the above photos), so Hannah asked her. She agreed but was a bit worried about getting “caught” and getting into trouble. So we promised to be discrete. She shared that “people like us often use this time for stuff like this but this was the first time she was being invited to participate”…we could tell that even in her reservation she was excited to be participating in our love for Jesus and ultimately His love for her. Just then Amanda asked our group if someone would volunteer to pray for the young girl and immediately a vibe of energy surged through my body and I felt “I should” volunteer although I was momentarily paralyzed by fear from having absolutely no idea how to pray over people and being TERRIFIED of praying out loud especially since I’m branded by spiritual ignorance when it comes to all things faith related ~ this is seriously a fly by the seat of your uneducated pants kind of ride for me. From the tiniest step to the hugest leap I have not the slightest idea how it’s mapped out in the Bible and what is the “right” way to do things. Talk about blind faith in God ~ I’m totally dependent upon him for every step I take! So here was this energy coursing through my veins again just like the day at church where I thought my legs might run away without me and just as I was about to sheepishly volunteer my horrible novice prayer services Evelyn jumped up and sounded excited for the opportunity. Whew, dodged a bullet! I was a bit relieved I wouldn’t have to torture everyone on our team with a lengthy prayer consisting mostly of words fumbling off my thick tongue like the infamous “um, um…silence…um, um”. All through the 20+ minutes Evelyn led us in prayer for this girl I felt the same energy inside me, fluttering around like nervous butterflies and I was starting to feel bummed that I didn’t jump at the chance to pray for this girl because I couldn’t get over the idea that I just wanted to physically touch this girl in some way. I felt the energy would subside if I could just touch this girl. So when we were finished praying I went up to her and gave her an “extended” hug so I could touch her and I said some silly silent prayer like “God, for whatever reason you needed me to touch her, here I am, you do your thing, heal her, touch her, move her, connect with her, make your presence known I have no clue why I ‘had’ to touch her but that much I did understand from you, Lord.” and I mumbled a little Amen and went on my way…to the bus. And I was right the energy subsided and was gone after I exited the coffee hut.

So we jumped on the bus and there was a little excited chaos about to break out from a few freebies that were being shared with people. I think Chris gave the shirt off his back because we didn’t bring much to give away. Simon gave some kids a new soccer ball and they were off like a flash of lightening giggling with delight. We finally managed to get the doors closed, everyone from our team inside the bus and we took off ~ destined for Addis.

I quickly realized we had an extra passenger. It was a local lady and I had no idea how or why she was on the bus with us but no one seemed alarmed and acted as if she belonged with us. Before I could ask any questions, Amanda quickly announced she wanted us all to pray over this woman, so we asked permission to pray for her and she accepted.

IMMEDIATELY this flood of energy came rushing back very, very intensely!! I knew I had to touch this woman…so I made my way from the back of the bus excusing myself with the statement “sorry, I have to touch this lady” and the moment my hand connected with her shoulder a tingling sensation that was so intense it was slightly painful in that “sleeping arm” kind of way multiplied by 100 kilowatts(which is my lame attempt at sharing the approximate level of intensity for you all to “feel” with me here). Falguni was leading prayer over this woman and I quickly placed my other hand on this woman's shoulder because the tingling in my free hand was hurting and it felt ‘lighter’ when I was touching her. Then out of the blue, I began weeping, sobbing, from a deep place that I’ve never consciously known because I have never sobbed in this LOUD manner before (besides the day at church where I encountered the Holy Spirit). This was not my nature to be wailing so deeply and so loudly, amongst a crowd no less, but there was no controlling it. In all actuality I was kind of experiencing this moment from the outside looking in. I remember thinking “I must appear ridiculous” and imagined looking at myself in disbelief at the extent of my sobbing. Amanda then asked me if I was receiving something and I mumbled “I think so” (another defining moment of my ignorance!! I could barely stand on my own feet from this energy rushing through me and my answer was I THINK SO?!) So they let me begin to pray over the woman and I can’t remember what I prayed as I mentioned above it was almost as though I was looking in from the outside. I remember my voice started to grow louder as my prayer went on and right before I hit “southern Baptist preacher” mode the woman broke off the prayer. She was becoming uncomfortable and asked us to stop. So I quickly stopped although I didn’t want to at all, I had to convince myself to stop touching the woman I never wanted to let go ~ it was surreal and beautiful and all so new to me.

When I began to gain presence in my mind I immediately felt a little “embarrassed”. This was only day 2 of our trip and my team mates didn’t really know me all that well and here I was sobbing like a fruit loop openly in front of everyone beyond control. Plus, I know what I look like after I cry so I was oh-so excited to be sporting that red-faced, puffy-eyed glamorous look for the next 30 minutes. Add that to my bad missionary haircut and you are guaranteed a sight for sore eyes ~ literally eyes would be watering from pain at the sight of my face! (ha ha) So I went back to my seat IN THE BACK OF THE BUS to try to dull the sensations pulsating through my veins like wild fire and calm myself down, maybe gather my thoughts somewhere in there because whatever just happened to my body was INTENSE and I had no idea what to think! I'm fairly certain I had been asking for this but man alive this was some powerful stuff, it made me weak in the knees and light headed yet I was invigorated and felt weightless, floating in the cloud singing praise to Jesus. Careful what you pray for you just might get an answer your little body and small mind can barely handle! I needed some time to digest what had just occurred. Plus I didn’t want to look at anyone until the eye swelling subsided and the blotchy red skin disappeared. I just remember thinking “oh no, Donny is going to be frightened half to death so I asked him about a hundred times if he was okay.” I remember apologizing in there somewhere too telling him I had no idea what was happening to me, but secretly I *knew* this is what I had been praying for all along, a moment in my little life where I could have the opportunity to be a physical part of glorifying our God. After all I had spent many hours, nights and weeks feverishly praying to be used for the good of our Lord.

Within moments of reflecting upon this experience, I knew this would be a memory near & dear to my heart once I could consume what took place and I knew it would become a pivotal piece of my ever growing walk with Jesus so I did have the presence of mind to get a picture of the lady who shaped my life in an undeniable way. Yet another picture that is priceless in value to my heart for God's love for this precious lamb is sooo deep it affected me physically beyond my comprehension. For a moment I had the pleasure to share in God's love as He showered it over this beautiful lady and it was the most intense minutes I had ever experienced. A blessing I'm deeply humbled by just having an opportunity to be present in the moment.

So we continued on with the bus ride into Addis and in no time another opportunity would arise….stay tuned...

to be continued….

In preparation...

Hang on my friends for this ride is about to get a little bumpy for some of you (if it isn’t already!). All I can say in comfort to those who are already uncomfortable is I remember when I couldn't even see the fence and I also remember when I reached the point of standing with one leg on both sides of the fence, hanging on to what I “knew” and longing for more of what was being “offered” to me (like a carrot on a stick! Holy MOLY!). I came to a point on this journey where I couldn’t have both anymore and the lure over to this side was too great to ever choose to go back to what I “knew”. SO I JUMPED ~ like the kids off the cliff in that music video I showed back in June!

I KNOW this is going to stretch a lot of you and I know some of what I will share in the next week will be hard to consume as reality and truly if I had not experienced it myself I too may want to dismiss it as a “Maria tale”. I assure you my friends that when I decided a few months before this trip to jump with both feet over to THIS SIDE of the fence I found that incredible feeling of free-falling ~ when your feet never have to land ~ to be a permanent status = FLYING [without being trapped inside a plane!] There’s never a limitation on what you can expect out of life and that is only a gift our heavenly Father can give us. But He needs your heart in return, all of it, no strings attached, no limitations or fears or sacrifice too great and I think that’s more than a fair trade! It most definitely was for me ~ it was like trading an old unused pile of cold bricks for a brand new home! It takes a scary leap of faith though to stop “riding the fence” and choose a side ~ I’m soooo glad I chose to jump because I have never known the true definition of words like: beautiful, inner peace, happiness, miraculous, love, comfort and spirituality UNTIL NOW and how feeling all these attributes abundantly blessing our life every second of every day is what God truly desires for each of us. These gifts are just WAITING FOR US until we decide we’re ready for them ~ heart and soul. What a gift indeed ~ it even sits on the shelf waiting until you decide to open the box! :)

So I want to share with you some very inspiring words that I read recently out of my next over-the-top awesomely inspiring book by Heidi Baker, titled “Expecting Miracles”. (I think the title might be giving a little too much away here!) I think these words will help prep you for the way I will be speaking about the next series of events that unfolded during our trip in Africa. If the following paragraphs scare the crap out of you ~ well then strap your seatbelts on ~ because I found these words to be the exacts thoughts that I couldn’t seem to capture on paper!! Here are some great excerpts that will help you soften your heart and open your soul to the stories that I will soon be sharing.

From the book “Expecting Miracles”:

“Life Principles: Fresh Bread!

More than the food and drink we need to live, we need fresh bread from heaven. We need the bread of life that only Jesus can provide - His glorious presence. Those who are spiritually hungry will be satisfied as they eat and drink of Jesus. My prayer is constantly that God would give us such a hunger for Him, and that He would pour out the healing of His Holy Spirit on all who are desperate for Him. We need to WELCOME SUCH HUNGER. We need to be like helpless little children before our Savior, giving Him full and absolute control of every area of our lives. Then we will know that, truly, Jesus is more than enough…

…We don’t comprehend how much of God’s presence is available to us. Jesus so wants to fill us with His Spirit that there will be always more than enough. Not for us to selfishly consume ourselves, but to give away! Jesus wants to fill us to overflowing so that His presence will touch every single person who crosses our path in life.

Often, we are so spiritually malnourished that we have nothing to offer anyone. We are weak vessels because we spend all our resources chasing after that which is not satisfying. But we need the presence of God more than we need anything else in life. It is only His presence that will truly satisfy us. God is looking for the people who are hungry enough for Him alone that they will be able to feed a nation with His presence.

Anyone who is desperate enough for Jesus will be satisfied! Thank God there is nothing in ourselves that we can do to earn this provision – it has been paid for already! But we need a hungry heart to receive it. And when we do, Jesus multiplies whatever He pours into us until we find ourselves feeding others – the spiritually desperate and starving. He wants to place something of Himself in our hand that will be a provision to many.

We live in a broken world. Jesus wants us to notice and help those around who are so in need of His presence. He wants us to reach out to them. But we can’t go to them empty-handed. We need the fresh bread of His presence to feed the starving.”

ARE YA STILL WITH ME? I surely hope so because these paragraphs do more justice to describing this child-like journey to Jesus I’ve been on than any words I’ve attempted to capture. I nod YES uncontrollably and giggle like a school girl when I read every single word from that book I just quoted! I have been absolutely undone by the love of Jesus!! My stories that will follow from this point onward will be the kind that will never need MY “touch of flare” to spice them up. The kind of tales you all are so accustomed to hearing from me in the past ~ you know my writing tendencies, I like to keep your interest! The encounters I’ve had face to face with Jesus in Africa are all the story I can handle ~ to relive these moments for your benefit are emotionally EXHAUSTING but I can’t keep these goodies to myself, they are for US ALL to experience a little bit of Jesus! I swear my friends I have not completely fallen off my rocker ~ it’s just so hard not to fall hopelessly in love with faith and the whole works when Jesus shows His face to you and He beats inside your heart!

A Preview

This is out of the order of my "time line" but I had to post this now. My heart aches so deeply, I had to share this now.

I had seen this video about a month or two before we left and I thought it was touching and that was the end of my connection. I don't expect you all to know how personal this song and video are to my soul, but if anyone on my team happens accross this post ~ may they know whatever tears are shed, I shed them too. I happened across this video just moments ago and I lost the dam that's been holding back a huge flood. Seeing this video NOW, after Rwanda and after Ethiopia ~ it steals the images right out from behind my retina and paints them all over this video. I have seen these sights with my own eyes, seen these faces and shared these smiles ~ these are my memories in someone else's eyes, someone beautifully captured what pain lingers after Africa destroys you. I'm haunted by this video and this song so deeply I could barely make it through the 4 minutes.

There's a line that you don't understand quite yet but ripped the pain from a broken part of my heart and plastered it on this screen "I saw my son in a little boy's eyes" ~ you will never know how many tears flow from my heart and my eyes when I know from the inside out what this sentence means.



I miss you Africa ~ You showed me beauty that I could never replace. You shared with me pain that I can never heal. You gave me a God so big my arms can't reach around Him. You made a hole that I can never repair.

I. MISS. YOU.

The day of the Donkey...

After our time at Hannah's Hope we drove to the Mother Teresa orphanage to find all 600+ kiddies were sleeping. It was nap time and I'll be the LAST person to volunteer to roust some nuns and 600 kids from a nap. We were told to leave and come back in around an hour or so. Well what would we do with ourselves during this time? Amanda decided it might be a good time for us to embark upon that donkey racing adventure we were promised as a “good time”. So that is what we did.

About 25 minutes into the bus ride we learned that the “donkey farm” was around an hour drive out of town so we knew there was no getting back to the orphanage this afternoon and I was bummed to be forfeiting my time with orphans for a donkey ride. During our bus ride the clouds started thicken, thunder rolled and rain began to pour down. I thought to myself “what could be more fun than riding a donkey ~ perhaps riding a wet donkey?” [insert sarcasm disclaimer here!] I found it hard to “contain” my excitement. But then I was humbled to the point of silence by looking out the window at the elderly ladies carrying loads of twigs bundled on their back the size of round hay bale, bare foot, drenched in the rain, huffing exhaustively down the winding road of the mountain side and I thought I should bite my tongue and feel privileged that my day contained “entertainment” of any sorts for these ladies were working harder than all the years I had in my life combined in just one afternoon.

So we arrived at the “race track” to find ourselves meandering up a muddy goat path to literally some guy’s farm yard. The farmer/leader led us out to the middle of the pasture where the games would begin. Soon the locals were joining from every possible corner you could imagine. Donkeys were on the loose running ramped through the crowd that was forming. I instantly became invigorated that this afternoon was going to be special and I was convinced FUN was written all over this hillbilly adventure! It seemed we had so perfectly landed in this moment not by plan B or as a secondary decision to essentially “kill time” ~ I found an excitement inside me bursting as though I had been planning, waiting and jumping for joy about this day! God does funny things under the rubber stamp dubbed “coincidence”…it was NO COINCIDENCE we landed smack dab in the middle of donkey day in the pouring rain! So we trekked through the farm yard and set our sights on the beautiful meadow/pasture that was of course our race track! We had to cross this ravine that was about 8-10 feet deep. The local kids ages 4+ were leaping this sucker like a puddle and my eyes were bulging out of my head as to how on earth I’d cross this HUGE OPENING without taking a serious mud bath! The beautiful men recognized the horrified look on all us girls’ faces so they jumped right into the ravine and formed a little human bridge. I mean seriously we made an ordeal out of this and the locals just laughed & laughed! I giggled too because how could you NOT! Wimpy Americans ~ even me, I was being such a princess ~ the back woods country girl should feel right at home right, nah, I didn’t really want to dirty my capri khaki pants! No worries, I soon threw that frame of mind out the window!




So we all survived crossing the creek! Once we were in the line up of the “starting gate” we were being bombarded by anxious donkey farmers to choose their prize racer. Secretly through my chuckling I felt horrible for these poor donkey’s they were the size of my neighbor’s yellow lab ~ these were NOT donkey’s in my mind and in no way did they deserve to have to tote us around. Think of Donny on the back of a Labrador Retriever, with legs as "thick" as an ostrich ~ now don’t you feel bad for these poor animals too! It’s by the grace of God these poor things survived the day. I had to put my sympathy card away for these mini donkey machine’s because everyone else was already hopping on so I thought “what’s one more, really”? Do I truly want to go home and say I sat on the sidelines during “donkey day” ~ forget the khaki’s I’M IN IT, TO WIN IT! My favorite saying of "it's on like donkey kong" suddenly had a brand new context!! So I made some farmer’s day by choosing his donkey as he all but put the animal between my legs for me! He was eager to earn a few $$$ for his donkey’s service, let’s just say that! His first words to me were “Go fast?” ~ OMG, my life flashed before my eyes as he passed me the twine string reins to hold onto and began whipping this mini old haggard thing to run! With my legs folded like an accordion to keep from dragging on the ground I some how mumbled “let’s WIN” through the vibrating torture of this donkey’s spine connecting with my tail bone! I bounced around like a piece of popcorn on this animal and the man just kept running along side me, the donkey increasing in speed with every stride. The fans laughing HYSTERICALLY at this circus carnival gone bad! At one point Donny and I were neck & neck for the lead ~ no way did I come to Africa to lose another competition against Donny, NO WAY! I switched into serious mode like I was competing in the Olympic donkey races. Suddenly our guide Akim announced for us to turn around and head back to the starting gates which would now be the finish line. Too bad for Donny his racing guide kept running straight off into the abyss of the meadow. I wish I had the courage to peek at him running off like a blind jogger on some National Lampoons comedy show but it took all my concentration to not lose my grip on the twine ~ so I couldn't even enjoy a moment of delight at Donny's ignorant expense! Suddenly my donkey turned on a dime to whip me around for the home stretch towards VICTORY. About 10 feet from the moment of my glory, the donkey whipped out a secret move that nearly cost me my life. The friggin thing dropped his head and put on the emergency brakes ~ I slid down the neck of this little beast screaming at my race driver for help, trying to clench my legs around the belly of this donkey instead of using my brain and just setting my feet stand on the ground! My farmer friend grabbed me just as I was meeting the donkey’s ears and about to go "end over end" in ya know what I mean. He held me on and we skated through to the finish line and he cheered victoriously, the crowd cheered ~ how could I not get caught up in the moment so I CHEERED and basked in the glory of being the donkey racing QUEEN! I should've busted out some true white girl rhythm for these folks, but I was rejoicing in still having my LIFE and checking to see if all limbs were still attached and if the donkey survived in one solid piece instead of showing off my victory groove thang!




We truly were the entertainment of the month for these folks ~ maybe the year?! It was my deepest privilege to be lost in this moment, no language barrier kept us from laughing till our sides ached. The smiles on their faces and sniggers under their breath to one another made my day. I exchanged my dignity for their enjoyment and I was honored to do so. True humility came for me in throwing my reservations out the window to become their "dog & pony show" or should I say "donkey show". A day that they can forever rejoice in God gifting them 13 idiot Americans standing in their pasture seeking a thrill only their donkey's could provide! I mean seriously, can you imagine what was going through their mind's when we asked to ride their donkey's in a race? Tell me God is not a comedian!

I came off that donkey smelling more like him than he did. Khaki was no longer a color I knew ~ but I was a winner, I remember that much! This moment was like heaven. I felt like a little kid, getting dirty, having fun, wasting time and the biggest gift of all was this was absolutely the farthest thing from “a waste of time”. God put us here in this moment for a taste of the depths of Ethiopia nestled in the rolling hills of the mountain side encapsulated by beauty. My eyes were dancing across sights that could not be seen from inside the city limits of Addis Ababa. The scenery was so lush and the mountains so gorgeous and the people were even more amazing. The rain added that special touch as if God was smiling down as the referee of these games. The mist that lingered in the air when the rain subsided just in time for our races to begin was the perfect visual symbol of fresh, innocent, natural countryside in all its beauty. The memories and stories we gave to those people on that day are priceless. The memories and stories they gave to me are priceless! I couldn’t have imagined a more perfect moment than out there in the manure, mud, rain, grass filled pasture laughing my butt off, high-fiving and hugging these people for cheering me on. Shaking hands and meeting new friendly faces. Seeing smiles so big that I thought their cheeks might crack. Hearing laughter so deep from the bottom of their bellies I had to giggle in accordance! Taking photos that captured this miraculous day will forever remind me of my indescribable day of the donkey in Ethiopia. My best advice to all of you is get your butt to Africa for the next donkey race ~ you'll never regret it or forget it!

There I am in the background ~ leaving no photographic evidence of me on the back of a donkey ~ I didn't need that one coming back to haunt me.

Although many others on our team gladly posed with their victim donkey's for a prize photo!

The whole peanut's gang!! :)